Slowly getting better

Stayed up late last night again, even though I was coughing away. I wasn't tired and I was talking to far too many people at once. Iain reminded me of the Aggressive Inline soundtrack, what a fantastic soundtrack that game had! So we ended up looking it up on spotify and listening to some great tunes. I realised last night how much I love music. I may not have a massive knowledge on popular bands and who plays drums in what band but I know what I like, what makes me happy, what makes me sad, which songs can make me cry and which ones that make me dance. Music is a fantastic thing, I've never been to a concert mind you, something I'm missing out on I believe but oh well, I think I'd rather see a comedy show! I'm sure I'll get round to it a some day, plenty of time for these things yet.

I did not sleep well. I went to bed properly at 2am and woke up again some time before dawn, boiling hot and coughing, sniffing all the usual cold-like crap, couldn't get back to sleep for the life of me. The sun was beguinning to come up, I was knackered and feeling pretty awful. Was not a good nights sleep. In the morning I was coughing up yellow mucasy crap, reallllly starting to hate the colour yellow now!

So yeah, basically still not feeling great, fed up of coughing my lungs out and sniffing but it must be on its way out by now surely! It will be okay and it's a good excuse to mope around all day I suppose. I just want to be better by thursday night because I want to go out and party!

Played Resi 5 co-op with Craig this after, my God he is a useless nub. First he kills me on purpose because he thought it would be funny. Haha. Then he decides to call me a fuckwit because he thinks he knows better. Dude, I've played this game a bajillion times, I know it almost inside-out, leave me to sort things out! Gah, he's a prick sometimes but it gets me extra treasure, getting me closer to those trophies so i can't complain too much. I got the 4 eggs treasure today too so woohoo :). Over 50% trophies now! Yaaaay. But yes, I'd rather play with Alex or Stew any day over Craig! They know what they're doing and I certaintly wouldn't get called a fuck-wit in the process. Ho hum life goes on.

:'(

I'm not sure why but today has been a really shit day. I think I "got out of the wrong side of the bed" as it were (I don't get that saying, especially as I can only get out of one side :S). I woke up at 12 and felt fucking aweful. Not a good start to the day and probably left me feeling sorry for myself all day.

Today has been an odd day, everyone seems to be acting strange, there is a lot of anger in the air, a lot of stress, a lot of upset. Making it a very gloomy sunday indeed. I just wish I knew what was going on inside peoples heads! I don't understand anything anymore, I really don't. It's upsetting me, everything is upsetting me, it's far, far too much for me to take. Fed up with everything. And it's never going to be the same again, ever. I read that Scorpios hate not being in control and that is so, so true. I don't feel in control of my life or my emotions, I haven't for a long, long time. I may as well be a puppet.

*cough* :(

Another great game of MGO last night, good times, only 6 of us but it was enough to have a few decent games for a couple of hours. Got to play the new maps for a change too, woot.

Feel alot better today, it's only my throat and this cough that are getting me down really. Last night I stayed up until 2am with Stew, Iain, Martyn (who left earlier than the rest of us) and John. It was a random conversation, largely sexual which doesn't bother me in the slightest haha! Craig was drunk and seemed to be hitting on every girl possible. He told me "He loved me.....as a m8". Okay, fair enough, then later on he said "wuv ooo". Oh dear. John said I should tell him "I only sleep with the minions", fucking lolcats! Of course I found this so funny, it had to be tweeted! However, I think they may be used against me in later life!!!! Was a very funny conversation though, good times :).

I woke up to having a weird dream about me working in a pet shop, with a really annoying customer very similar to "somegreybloke" (if you don't know him, youtube him, very funny). Odd dream. Anyway I eventually dragged myself out of bed into the shower, I got under dressed and to my horror, a bruise I had acquired lately (don't ask lol) had turned bright yellow and purple! I'm not even joking, it looks disgusting. Funnily enough, it doesn't hurt AT ALL, it just looks....sick. Eww. I tried not to look at it, freaks me out lol.

Had bacon and egg roll for lunch, nom nom. And my dad started banging on about "how I'm going to get a massive shock when I go to uni". Umm yeah, you forget I lived with Bex and Marn for a week in a foreign country. I'll think I'll be okay. I know it's slightly different and I'm not saying living on my own won't be weird, but I won't be on my own, they'll be loads of other people in the same building as me! I think my dad's trying to rub things in or something. No matter how hard it is there's no way on hell I'm ever telling him that, otherwise he'll be all smug, twat. He's never even gone to uni, he lived with his mum until he married my mum so he can shut the fuck up. He was such a spoilt child, so he can't say anything against me. Plus I despise anyone who says "You don't know how lucky you are", I'm telling you dad, there's SO much you don't know about me full stop. Sorry, ranting about parents again, the bane of my life! Haha.

I stole Battle Tanks off Alex after lunch, it's okay, not bad but I got bored easily and played some rocket cars. The servers were playing up, making me very frustrated. I saw Iain was playing Resi 5 for the first time and I fancied playing it, especially as I needed to get the Gatling gun trophy now that I'd unlocked it. I got it pretty quickly and am now trying to get every weapon possible for another trophy. Then I have to upgrade them all to the max *groan* will take me years! Mind you, the other day me and Alex started our way through co-op mode and hot damn we make a good team. My awesome Resi knowledge came in handy for him and his sniping skills came in handy for me so everything is working out just peachy so far, considering we're doing it on hard we're not too bad at all! And I've been assigned "shotgun girl" (win!) so crowd control is mai speciallity ;). Hopefully we will continue soon! Need to complete it before I go to Uni :(.

Dad said he then wanted to use the backroom so I was forced to quite Resi. Want to play The Force Unleashed at some point (won't be until tomorrow now I suspect) because it now has trophies. I'll delete that old save then and start a new! Gives me a good reason to pick it back up again so why not :). I cannot believe it's half 5 already, where has the day gone?! Mental. Xfactor on tonight along with a host of other trashy TV programs, huzzah! As I said to JB, "Almost the perfect night in...almost" :P I think he got my hint hehe.

Currently listening to: Katy Perry-Hot 'n Cold
"You change your mind, like a girl changes clothes. Yeah you, PMS, like a bitch, I would know. And you, always think, always speak, crititically. I should know, that you're no good for me."

Feeling like Death.

I somehow managed to walk down to the bank yesterday to set up a student account. The guy I saw was very nice but he seemed a bit nervous, odd guy, he set up my account as well as giving me a credit card which I'm not sure I wanted but I guess I don't have to use it if I don't want to. The annoying thing is, I got a letter just now telling me they'll automatically change my current account to a student now! For fucks sake! So now I'll have two student accounts?! I may have to go back down there today, not sure I can be bothered, I still don't feel 100%.

Yesterday after dinner I went to go try MAG and I did, it's great, the best way I can describe it is like Killzone 2 but bigger and better. It's a bit confusing to get used to but I eventually got to grips with what was going on soon enough and in my last game last night I was 3rd place in my team! My team always won too, epic winrar. But after an hour and a half of playing I just could not play anymore. I felt worse and worse as the day went on. I thought I just over-exerted myself or something but now it was obviously the light cold I had had suddenly hit me hard. I was hot but shivering at the same time, I felt kinda sicky and my body ached at every joint. I felt like death. So my mum told me to come off and watch a film. She'd brought back Bedtime Stories from the library, I thought oh God but I didn't have much choice as to watch it. It wasn't that bad actually, Adam Sandler was as funny as always and Russell Brand was in it too and he does make me laugh. I used to hate that guy but then I watched his show "ponderland" and have somewhat fallen in love with his comedy ever since. The film had a typical cheesy Disney ending but apart from that, it wasn't bad and original idea anyway.

I had to go to bed at about 10:30pm, I felt like I wanted to die, everything hurt. I took some painkillers before I went to bed then headed upstairs, I got to sleep by about 11pm. Earliest night in ages! I woke up at 9:30 this morning and felt very awake and alot better so I got up which shocked my dad, lol. I do feel alot better today, my neck still aches but I don't think that's because of the cold. I'm a bit sniffy still and my throat kills but at least all my joints don't ache and I don't feel sick. Feeling all hot and cold last night had be worried I might have swine flu or something but obviously not. I'm too tough to get godamn swine flu ;).

Hopefully I can play MAG for longer tonight! It is great fun and I actually know how to play it now! Haha. Mucho love to all <3

Currently listening to: Hanna Pakarinen-Black ice
"And I'm all out of breathe, nothing is left. So cold there's a chill between us, so cold it will never leave us."

Damn you.

Yesterday, I was out all day, I left the MAG beta to update, when I left it, it said 2000mb to download. Oh fuck, I thought, no wonder this has taken people ages. So I left a note my the PS3 to not turn the PS3 off and set off out. When I got back it was gone 11pm, I thought it MUST have been done by now, I turned on the TV, it said "Error: Download failed". For fucks sake! I checked my PSN messages, I had 4 messages asking how MAG was, I have no idea. I ignored them all apart from Martyns which I replied to: "I r special Sony gurl", hehe.

I was so knackered I went to bed at about 12! When I woke up this morning I felt aweful, I went to the bathroom at about 9am, I felt sick and dizzy and hot. I had to lie down on the floor for a bit to recover before dragging myself back into bed. My throat was so sore, my head was pounding, I was completly dehydrated. It was my own fault. Yersterday I didn't drink hardly anything! I just realised this morning that yesterday I had a maximum of two drinks, stupid girl, could make myself really ill! So I drank loads this morning. I heard dad outside my room and called him to ask for some water and two headache tablets. I drank the water slowly then decided I had to force myself out of bed because lying here was going to make things worse. It was only 10am but I got up regardless, threw on some loose-fitting clothes, didn't bother to brush my hair, needed something to eat and more water. My dad said I should have stayed in bed but I told him I'd feel worse if I did. Everywhere aches. How is this possible lol. It's like head to toe pain. My body is obviously punishing me for something, probably for trying to kill myself >_<. Reader note: I wasn't trying to kill myself, just want to clear that up now before people think I'm depressed! :P

Still, somehow I am super happy regardless of physically feeling like shit. It was worth it! haha. I went to go and restart the MAG beta download but it loaded fine. This is odd I thought, and it came up with the start screen and everything. It just said "server could not be found" I knew it would say this as I was told playtime is restricted to 1am-4am and 6pm-9pm. So, yay! Can't wait to play it at 6 tonight! It's an official test night tonight apparently so it will be busy, testing the game to the max as it were, seeing how many people it can take at once. Should be interesting, the friend who refered me, he said the same thing happened to him, it said the download had failed but infact it had worked! Odd eh? But I am happeh faec that it has worked.

Got to go to the bank today to set up a student account, I just hope they don't change my account details because that will fuck up my student loan as the money will be going into my current account with them. I'll have to ask them, surely many people have the same problem so there must be a way around it. Otherwise I won't have money to pay for housing and I'll be living on the streets or something haha. Can't wait for uni, even though I'm nervous as hell, not prepared very well yet either, going to have to start shopping for stuff too soon. May blog a little later after I've played MAG and such, won't give away too much but I'm allowed to say if it's good or not surely? :)

Currently listening to: System of a down-B.Y.O.B
"Everybody's going to the party, have a real good time, dancing in the desert blowing up the sunshine."

Route 66

Okay so last night I decided to go out with Marn, Yaz (hadn't seen her for ages yay!), Bex, Kirsty and Amy. I went out to dinner beforehand as my parents got back from Worthing. We went to Shorties which is a great little place on the Seafront and when I say little...I mean tiny! But it does really nice steaks and burgers and milkshakes, I went there for my birthday. Anyways, we were having a good time when eventually our food came, dad had about two bites of his and couldn't eat anymore. I'll explain, a while ago he had this problem with his throat, he'd used to eat things and they'd get stuck, it was really painful. We had to go across to the Gosport hospital and dad had this tube stuck down his throat (it was a camera I think so they could see what was wrong with his throat), he said it was horrible and he never wants to do it again. Especially as, after all that, they could find nothing wrong with him. So this odd throat thing happened again, it pretty much ruined our meal as dad had to leave the table for a long period of time to make himself throw up just to clear his throat. Poor guy. So he didn't get to eat his steak! And it was pretty much £40 down the drain as we hadn't exactly had an enjoyable evening. But nevermind eh?

He told me this morning he found out what it was on the internet. It's a common problem, your throat spazms, causing your throat to close up, hence why the food gets stuck. There might be medication he can take or they say as soon as you feel it coming on, just drink shit loads of water. He obviously needs to eat more slowly and carefully too. Why it should come back all of a sudden though, is a mystery.

Anyways after the meal I quickly got changed into my dress, I immediatly felt better, something about feeling sexy always makes me feel better. Anyway I got ready within the space of 10 minutes and went off round to Marnies to meet her and Yaz. Marnie was drunk already (she'd only had 2 double vodka and cokes, proper lightweight) and I did think "oh no" I wasn't in the mood for dealing with drunk marnie. But when everyone arrived we all got a taxi and headed off to the Guildhall. We went to V-bar first because we were meeting Phil there, plus shots were only £1 and the menu was...well amazing, I'd never seen so many shots before in my life! Most of them were rather rude names and I giggled at the idea of leaning over the bar and asking for a "vibrator". I decided on "Viagra" in the end and it was indeed a pretty blue colour. It was yummy! Bex was taking an age to decide, she didn't really want to buy one with a rude name, haha! She had some sort of fruity one in the end and she was too scared to swallow it all at once, amature! Hehe. I had a taste of hers, it was rather strong, no wonder she didn't really like it that much. Marnie had a stupid one, she had sex on the beach, which is usually a cocktail! She didn't like it. I think I obviously made a good choice then haha.

We danced for a little bit before moving onto Route 66, others complained at the queue but we weren't queuing for more than 5 minutes so it was quite good really compared to some clubs. We got our free VIP wrist bands so we got in for free thanks to Kirsty posting on the bars facebook page, it's the future! Anyway it was pretty empty when we got in, although we did get there early. There was one man dancing by himself on the dancefloor, me and Bex giggled, he was a really bad dancer bless him haha. Drinks were £1 in here but they only did bottles so it was a choice of cheap beer, shots or alcopops. I got a VK blue and we went to go dance, somehow I got dragged up to the stage with Amy and Kirsty?! Yeah, I don't need to drink anything to give myself confidence anymore, it's great haha. So we danced on this little stage thing above the dancefloor until Kirsty got nervous and so we all got down, lol. We were having a great time dancing and the club soon filled up, it was student night, drinks are £1...it's ALWAYS crazy in there. So soon we were squished together on the dancefloor but it was fine, not unbearable. But it was so damn hot and I thought to myself why oh why did I wear a godamn satin dress?! It makes you twice as hot and sweaty. I always get too hot at clubs, God knows why I get hit on, I always end up looking like a complete hot, sweaty wreck, is that attractive?! I don't think so, lol. I think maybe the cleavage did it!

We hadn't been there that long but Marnie and the others wanted to go to Babylon, me and Bex wanted to stay so we stayed by ourselves, there were plenty of people from school and college we knew here anways so we had a good time with them. One bloke we were with, a mate of Lewis' who was wrecked again!, got shoved by a girl and drink poured over his head! Was a bit unecessary. One of his friends and ruffled her hair and it pissed her off and she assumed it was him so he got drink all over his hair...oh dear haha! Was quite funny though...man that girl was angry! Toooo much drink methinks. At the end of the night I felt a bit unwell, I'd only had two of those blue drinks but I can't drink as many of those as I used to obviously! They make me feel sickly! We were both knackered by this time anyway and the dance floor was so packed I think I may have passed out if I stayed there any longer. So we sat down with some friends. We had a great time winding up Lewis, teasing him by not showing him our wristbands and he was, for some reason, dying to know what they were for and what they said on him. He's so stupid when he's drunk but it's funny. The chubby guy who got drunk thrown down him asked if we/I wanted to go back up there and dance, I said maybe later, he left soon with his other friend, phew! We met back up with Marnie and the others at 2pm, when the clubs closed. It seemed a bit pointless we'd all gone out together and then hadn't spent most of the night with each other but oh well! We all got the taxi back together. All in all a good night :)

Angrysadannoyedconfusedface

Yes that is a lot of feelings to be feeling but mostly, at this moment in time it's anger. It's a conflict of emotions it's like I'm angry at someone but I couldn't possibly blame them because I understand but at the same time I think if you care that much you'd make more of an effort! Oh God my brain and my heart are going to explode :@. When will this crazy madness end?! I've never felt angry, not like this. Sigh.

On a massive fucking plus point, I am an official Sony beta tester! Fucking get in! A friend I had recently made on twitter (flirting obviously pays off!!!) refered me to Sony (they were allowed to invite one person to the MAG beta) so now I'm downloading the beta. Woohoo! Can't waaaait, although my friend has been having problems with downloading/installing it but hopefully it will okay, is about 50% of the way through now. I'm supposed to be keeping quiet about this but it's not really working haha! Oh well what are Sony going to do? Steal my Ps3? It's not as if it's a secret anyway, everyone can see what you're playing on the PSN anyways!

I'm going out tonight with Yaz and Marnie, should be a laugh, can drink and dance my sorrows away. It's a student night so the clubs will be cheap, and drinks at Rute 66 are gunna be £1. Epic win. I've got about a third of a rum bottle to drink first anyway at Marnies'. I'm going round hers at 8pm, going out early-ish at 9pm because Yaz wants to meet someone down there or something? I'm unsure but whatever. I shouldn't be looking foward to it but I am, which is good :)

Lonely Day

Ahh my womb really hurts :( lol. Stupid female body! Taken some painkillers, hoping it will wear off soon.
Today I was alone by myself in the house (leading me to sing system of a downs "lonely day" to myself all day), my dad was spending the day helping his friends get to the airport, my mum is at work until 5 and my sister decided to go out shopping (although she is back now). I had to lend her all my money (£15) because she's forgotten to ask dad for money before he left. So I gave her money and she went off out with her friend. Thus I was by myself for a fair few hours. I don't like being alone, I'm a people person, always have been although I'm getting more and more used to doing things by myself which is good. I will have to get used to it at Uni! I don't even like going shopping by myself only because it's not nice not having anyone to talk to. But hey, might make a few girly friends at uni I can go out with I suppose :). I'll cope. Turns out tomorrow all my family will be out all day again, so I'll be by myself all day again :(

Still worried about Martyn, whatever it is he's going to keep private which is understandable of course, it's up to him. I just hope he can sort things up, he knows we're all here for him if he needs us anyway. That's what great about the minions, no matter what each of us do, we're still all here for each other, that's a great friendship group right there.

For most of the day I've been playing on the Xbox (shock horror!), good old dead or alive, one exclusive I wish was not an exclusive to Microsoft. Then I had lunch...of sorts...okay it consisted of crisps and an ice-cream bar...hmm. Well anyway, afterwards I turned on the PS3 and then decided there wasn't actually anything I wanted to play...then I remembered my dad had brought Overboard! yesterday. Overboard! is an old PS1 game, kinda tricky to find now, where you are a little pirate ship, seen from birds' eye view. It's called overboard! because when your ship catches on fire, all the little men jump overboard and you have to save them before they drown! Is a bit mental but fun, brought back memories, haven't played it since I was a little kid! I remember the music and the little parrot on the loading screen! It's a parrot, sitting on a bomb, looking down nervously at it until it explodes, turning the parrot black haha. Oh good memories! Dad got it at a car-boot sale for 75p yesterday, epic win :)

John tweeted something this morning which was both horrible and scary. Horrible because it was about a gang of kids and how'd they tried to hang a 7 year old boy! And scary because this happened in Portsmouth, in a park down the end of my fucking road! My sister has just gone to the park with her friend. I did think about warning her but there's no point in worrying her and the likely-hood of it happening again are slim. She's gone with a friend and they're 14, not 7, so they should be fine. Scary to think there are kids like that living in my are though! I knew there was a reason why I didn't walk through that park at night...thank God kingston is a safe town! Safest in London I think :)

And I'm still waiting, I think I'm going to be waiting a long time for things to change. I wonder how long it will be? Gah, why do I do this to myself? :S

Currently listening to: Maximo Park-Apply some pressure
"What happens when you lose everything? You just start again. You start all over again. You know that I would love to see you in that dress, I hope that I will love to see you undress"

Feelin' teh <3

"Oh hai"

This morning my day was made. I have never felt as loved and as wanted as I do now. I seem to forget from time to time how lucky I am. It's the stress, when you don't have someone to hug you at the end of the day, all you can rely on are words to make you feel better and it usually works, luckily enough for me. I spose things will be better at uni, I may be more lonely at times, but at least I won't have the stress of parents, only stresses caused by myself, so it will be my own fault, no one to blame. Which is a good thing, I think. Oh I dunno, I can't really think my head really hurts :S

Today I had to sort out my uni housing stuff. I literally got the letter for it yesterday and it has to be at the uni by tuesday! Bit ridiculous! Otherwise they give my room to someone else, I think they wouldn't do that so soon, it's just a threat so people will reply quickly I think. Got invited to go to the beach with Marn, it was a lovely day but I had stuff to get on with after lunch so it wouldn't leave me much time. Plus, sitting at the beach is rather boring. So, it was vidzone, a chat with Bossman and then after lunch me and mum drove to the supermarket/shopping centre. We found a photo-booth (I needed two passport photos for uni I.D cards), first photo I took was fine, that's a first! But after they printed, because my hair was still a bit damp from this mornings shower, it made my hair look greasy in the photo! Oh well, no one will be looking at my hair in a tiny photo so it's cool. We then went home, I put all the documents I had to sign in an envelope, my dad wrote a check for the deposit, sealed it all up and walked up down the road with my sister to post it. It's 1st class so it should be there by tuesday, I hope so anyway!

Played some MGO later on, Stew had started playing again which is good. There were 10 people at the peak, not bad! Had some great games as always :) Afterwards I went on my xbox for a bit (have been pineing for a bit of dead or alive action recently) played it for 5 minutes and the disk got stuck. So I thought fuck this and decided to go and watch some Mighty Boosh with my sister. Couldn't pay much attention, was laughing as much as I usually would. I have this weird headache, can't seem to keep up with conversations or feel much emotion. Is weird. Hope it wears off soon. Some chocolate and tea will sort me out.

M seems a little down today, not sure what's up, he said something but I won't mention it here for obvious reasons. I told him I'm here if he needs to talk, he said "Thank you honey, means alot :)". Honey is a new one haha! Aww bless him :( Hope he's alright, I really do. As I always say, my ears are always open to all my friends, in case anyone needs a private chat, I am here :).

Adulthood-When no one comes to give you a kiss. Yeah, pretty much :/

Last night I ended up staying up until gone 3! It was mental, I had an (at least) four hour conversation about the most random crap with Stew! It began with slagging off Brad Pitt and somehow moved onto religion. Thus we created our own religion, monkeybutlersecksbeerlighteningianity, we thought it had a certain ring to and summed up our religion quite well. Basically, lots of free beer and monkey butlers were involved. Sex or "secks" is predominate in our culture and lightening is the answer to ALL. Join or die :D

At about 3am, my dad actually came downstairs to tell me it was ridiculous to be up at this time. Like seriously, wtf. I think it is my decision, whether I am up or not, I will be doing the same thing at uni, I expect. It is "ridiculous" that he came downstairs to check up on me. Plus, my parents are damn lucky I didn't turn out to be some chav slut who goes out every night, gets pissed and fucks a random stranger. I did say this to my dad (obv I said sex instead of fuck!) and he just turned it into a joke. He turns eveything into a joke when it's not appropiate. It really annoys me sometimes. Like, when I worked at Currys, he made a joke to Kelv (my boss) when I was right there in my own home. That he'd only have to watch out for me if I "started sitting ontop of washing machines." I mean seriously! One, that's an incrediably sexist thing to say, any woman would be offended by that! And two, I'm your daughter, so that's a rather sick thing to say but he just doesn't think, he has no tact. And it really pisses me off. He's not racist, or homophobic or sexist, he can just act like it sometimes because he says something wrong. It's an easy mistake to make, especially as my dad is so naive, bless him (he didn't know what nonce meant, he just said it, me and mum said it was a nasty thing to say, dad didn't realise it was homophobic! It's amazing at what he doesn't know, he'd never heard of crystal meth before either :S). But I know, in my heart of hearts he doesn't mean it, I just wish he'd watch his mouth sometimes.

Funny that I was writing about this and something simular had happened just now and now I'm discussing various things with JB. For example, I was just saying how sometimes I feel I have to just except sexist jokes nowadays because if I say "hey, I find that offensive" people pressume I'm some sort of feminist. So I have to accept it. For example, a lot of people use the phrase "like a girl or you big girl". Now I should find that offensive because, well it's obvious that it's demeaning to women. Especially as I like to think I'm different from "most" women, well let's say 70%? Different from the other 70%. Yeah. I dunno about percentages but anyway shut the fuck up Laura, you're rambling. What I am TRYING to say is, sometimes you just have to take things in good humour. I take the piss out of my own sex (mainly because I agree that some of us, can be pretty annoying/dumb but then again, is the same for blokes). But my humour is pretty relaxed, I will laugh at pretty much everything, it's unlikely something will offend me nowadays but of course, EVERYONE gets offended, at some point. But hey, it's not the worst thing in the world to happen. As long as the person didn't mean to offend you, it shouldn't matter, right?

Had another mini-arguement with my parents earlier. Seriously, they go out to the hospital and then shopping and they expect all the chores to be done? Wtf. I'd happily do them if I was asked to do some but my dad came back and got all sarky when he was "surprised" that I hadn't taken the dog out for a walk. He's not my dog. He's yours. You never cleaned out my rabbit, I don't walk the dog, okay? Sheesh. Plus I was never ASKED to, you don't just fuck off out and expect things to be done, name one teenager who does that? I'm living on my own soon, I'll have to do everything for myself so fuck doing anymore than I need to now! Lol! God I just can't wait to get away. Yes it will be hard and as scary as fuck but fuck having anymore petty fucking arguements. I really think I may have killed myself if I'd failed and had to have stayed here another year!!!!!!

I'm not in a great mood at the moment, as you might have realised. I think it's just tiredness. That and it seems there is no "surprise" my mum and dad are going out for a meal with Sue and Kelv tomorrow night. And they're going for curry so they don't have to take me and Sam. Great, another evening in with fuck all to do. I dunno what mum and dad were whispering about the other day though, that does somewhat confuse me. Oh well. Wish I felt more...what's the word, appriciated? Yeah, that's it.

Currently listening to: Within Temptation-Forgiven
"You'll always be mine, I know that inside, all that's done is forgiven."

Results days celebrations

Well last night I decided to go out with my good friend Alice to the student pub, the Reg. We walked there, it was a lovely evening, we had a discussion about religion and things. We knew a group of people when we got there, were IDed several times before we were allowed to drink. I got a glass of Pimms, we then sat down with Alices' friends. They weren't close friends of hers but she knew them better than I did, they all went to our college. I couldn't help feeling ignored as they asked Alice how she did but not me. The nicer people though like Dave asked how I did and I asked in return. Alice made the point of actually, very few people had failed and therefore not gotten into the university they wanted to go to. Which was brillaint! There wasn't many unhappy people, but I guess you may not go out if you'd failed!

Anyway as the night progessed on we met alot more chatty people, or should I say drunken, and we slowly got more and more tipsy. A guy called Lewis, who really, really reminded me of Quentin Tarantino for some reason! Said he hadn't seen me since new years eve and I said oh God don't remind me, it was so embarassing. But he didn't laugh at me or anything, he said he'd been sick that night too (in his mates house and in the street) and that he didn't remember anything past 11pm except sitting on Alices' sofa with a bucket on his head while Alice begged him not to throw up on her parents brand new carpet. Sounded a laugh! Infact a couple of other people I saw at Alices' new years party were there, none of them brought it up though thank God, Sam is one of those people to look down at you for things like that but he didn't so that was great. Infact he spent most of the night taking the piss out of Alice because she pronounced Trident with an e sound instead of the normal a sound. It makes sense because it's spelt with an e but it still sounded funny. Also, Alice had seen Pearl Jam at the O2 a couple of nights ago so she talked about how Black was the best song ever written all night to various different people. Jake kept argueing that it wasn't, even though he'd never listened to it!

Anyway, Lewis was pretty drunk, by the end of the night he'd had all 11 cocktails on the cocktail menu plus 2 pimms, two jagerbombs...god knows what else. The Reg closed at 12, a little earlier than usual! Me and Alice were going to walk home, we'd thought it be good to walk lewis home to as he was so drunk! The entire time we walked home I needed to pee, damn alcohol goes straight through me and it was half an hour walk! I held on though, thank God. The entire way home Alice was looking after Lewis and they were having drunken rants about people who pissed them off (namely jayne and Emma). I couldn't even begin to get involved, I was concentrating on getting home, fast. Plus I had no problems with those people, I couldn't relate but I could see why they hated them, they had fucked them over. I hate it when so called friends do that.

Lewis turned to me and said "List 10 people that you hate" and I said that I didn't really hate anyone! Alice then said "Laura's an amazing person, she doesn't hate anyone, she's lovely!" which was a really sweet thing to say and Lewis agreed that I was lovely. Aww, I really was feeling the love yesterday! Alice walked Lewis on home and said that she's text her brother so he'd make sure she'd get home okay, I asked her to send me a text when she got in and she did. Before I went to bed properlly last night, I read through all my text messages I got through that day and (this is going to sound weird) but I actually started crying. Proper, full on crying, I couldn't stop! But they were tears of happiness, tears of realising what fantastic friends I have, how many people do actually care about me. Everything is just such a relief, all this stress has been worth it because my life is now finally moving foward, I just feel so positive about my future now. It's taking a wee while for the impact to calm down! Plus I suppose the alcohol didn't help, obviously made me over-emotional! But I want to thank all the people who said I could do it, who had faith in me and who sent me lovely messages. It really does mean the world to me. Even though there have been conflicts recently, I know I have the best friends in the world, I dunno what I would do without you guys <3

Ahh this is making me emotional again :') I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and saw my right eyelid was all gross and swollen. Great. I have conjuctivitus! I'm supposed to be going out for dinner tonight! Though I really don't feel like it, but I can't leave Stacey by herself, she didn't know if anyone was even going or not! Poor woman. I have to go...even though I've got this damn horrible cold and such. I'll text Jo and see if I can go with her...otherwise...well I don't really want to go alone!!! Oh man, I need some sort of magic potion please. I've been looking up uni stuff this morning, turns out I will need to take a crappy TV with me to uni although I have to pay a TV licence, I have no idea how much that will cost! My parents have a spare TV I think though. I'll need one for my PS3 :D Well, when I get one that is :/ I also found out that I can indeed have over-night guests for up to two nights in a row, as long as they sign in and it's a maximum of 6 visits a term or something? It's brilliant that they even allow that! I thought I might have to bring friends round in secret or something haha. Yet more forms to fill out, I will have to discuss this all with mum later.

Currently listening to: Florence + the machine-Drumming song
"There's a drumming noise inside my head and it starts when you're around, I swear that you could hear it it makes such an almighty sound. As I move my feet towards your body I can feel this beat, it fills my head up and gets louder and louder!"
LOVE this song :D

The big day!

This morning I woke up at 7, I could hardly sleep last night, I kept waking up randomly. I went back to sleep and was awoken by my alarm at 8:45. My legs felt dead as I walked downstairs, I had some cereal but couldn't eat it all, I was SO nervous I felt physically sick. It turns out I had nothing to worry about. I got to Alices' on time and we waited for Bex who was almost late. We waited outside to wait for her and she came running down the road, ahh Bex, even on results day, she's always late. She told us she hadn't got into Uni, she'd checked UCAS before even going to college. She said she was okay with it, she'd been told of some cool gap year options she had for next year instead. So off we went to college, we got a bit nervous because we saw no one else walking to college!
That was because everyone else was already there, there was a big crowd gathering inside (it was absolutly boiling in there!), we got in the middle of the crowd. They were waiting for the headmaster (good old smiley Frampy!!!!) to open up the hall so people could get their results. We only had to wait for a minute until they let the crowd pour in. There was a damn photographer taking pictures as we walked into the hall, nervous student faces ftw?! I may have been in the background of one of them but thankfully he didn't come over to us later on to take our picture or anything. I ran over to catch up with Alice and Bex who had somehow got infront of me, I CQCed Bex from behind, she wondered what the fuck I was doing haha! I then ran over into my actual queue. They spilt the queues into a-e for example (last names of course). I think my queue was a short one as I got my results first, that and I had ran into the hall lol. Excitement had got to me. The woman took her sweet time giving me my results, I was itching to just grab them off her grr.

Eventually I got them! I rushed over to the back of the room, I was going to wait for Bex and Alice but they were still in line and I really could not wait. So I carefully opened the envelope and saw what I got...B...B....B!? I squealed! People must have been looking at me funny but I didn't care I was so releaved! It meant I was definatly going to uni! I was amazed I maintained my B in Sociology! I thought I did really bad in the coursework, I went over on my word count and my teacher said they'd mark me really harshly because of that but they didn't because I got a B for it! I was also amazed I had infact successfully pushed my C in english language last year up to a B! That was the only one I was really worried about. I got an A in one of the exams! I was like FUCK! But I also got a D in one of them, so that evened things out! If I hadn't have got that D I may have got an A...because in another one of last years exams I was 1 mark away from an A. But I don't care, I did amazing (for me) and I'm going to Kingston uni!

Alice also did well, we thought she was going to fail as she was the most worried out of all of us but she got A A D! Which is the same amount of point as me and Bex (Bex also got B B B), it's 300 UCAS points. So she'd got into Reading uni! I was so happy for her! But Bex disppeared soon afterwards, we had no idea where she went. I was beguinning to think she was more disappointed than she had let in. I spoke to a few other friends there to see how they had done, then Stacey my Sociology teacher asked how I did and congratulated me. I then spotted one of my english teachers, John! I ran over to John and said "John I got a B!!!!" and he hugged me! So I hugged him back! Gotta love John, great teacher and so nice. Then one female teacher walked over and said "John are you sexually harrassing a student?!" and burst out laughing! John said "No, no it was a mutual hug!", of course they were joking with each other and I was laughing too. Hehe! I said goodbye to John and went over to find Alice again. We waited and waited for Bex but had no idea where she was. All the time I was getting texts from everyone I had texted, it was so lovely to get so many nice messages from people :). I tried to ring her but no answer, alice didn't get an answer either. Then she text Alice saying she'd be back soon, she must have been speaking to someone.

Then she told us she was in the library, we went to go and see her and she was looking through clearing. She didn't want to go to a crap uni but of course, only the rubbish unis have got free spaces usually! She decided she didn't want to make a descision on a whim so it turns out she will have a gap year after all to think about things. I am a bit gutted for her, it's hard when both your older sisters got all As at both GCSE and A level. I wouldn't want to have to live up to that...I'm sure she'll be fine though, she's so smart and she believes God has a plan for her so I said to her well I'm sure he planned for you not to get into uni for some reason. She knows I don't believe in that stuff but I said hey, if that's what you believe then that's all that matters.

When we were walking home together, I pointed out that we all got 300 UCAS points! Alice said we were the 300 gang, so I shouted at the top of my voice down the road "THIS IS SPARTAAAAA!". Was so funny! My friends thought I was nuts! Hahaha! So hyper and I also got a text from Kingston telling me well done for getting in! Wow. Didn't think they'd text me! My mum won't be home from work until 5!!! But I did text her to let her know, she said she was so pleased. I rang my dad too, when I got home he told me that Sue and Kelv (my mum and dads friends) had both rang and when dad told Sue what I got she said "Oh, is that good enough?" LOL charming!!!! Fucking bitch! I know what she meant but the way it came across was pretty nasty. Yes I am going to uni, yes for once in my life I do feel good enough! So shh! My housing for Kingston is confirmed and everything! £99.50 a week, ouch. Getting a standard room, gotta fill in a form and send it off, I also have to email Kingston to confirm I want their place, I will do that after I write this I think. Quite scary to think I'm actually going to uni now, eek! But I also cannot wait :)

Going to the student pub tonight! My dad gave me a tenner for drinks (awwww!) that will buy me 5 pimms!!!!! I'm SO going to get smashed :D No clubbing for me, I'm too tired!!!

Currently listening to: Hanna Pakarinen-Love in a million shades ( I really love this song, it *almost* makes me cry, it does however, send shivers down my spine for some reason)
"If I ever get close to you, would you open up your window? Would you smile and let me in? Our life could be easy, we could have everything. We could walk across the water, be heroes for all days, life could be fantastic. Love in a million shades."
Beautiful, no?

The day before...

Oh dear fucking lord I'm shitting myself about tomorow, SO desperate to pass. Ah well I'll find out soon I suppose. I'm walking with Alice and Bex at 9:30 to get there for 10am! I'm sure there will be a lot of nervous chatter on the way. Will be texting the minions if I have done well, they may not hear from me otherwise...:(

I had one of those dreams this morning that you don't want to wake up from, it was so nice and you wake up and think, oh yeah, in shit old reality that isn't happening yet, sigh :(

Anyway, I don't want to think about that right now. Today hasn't been the best day but somehow I feel okay. I think I'm just fed up so much I've gone past the caring stage now. C'est la vie! Things will turn out how they turn out, nothing I can do so not much point stressing over it.

I got up at 9:30 this morning because I had to go down town with my mum and sister. I'd had 6 hours sleep, after shopping I was exhausted, so very tired. The only reason I'd gone down there was completly ruined too, stupid building society and their lack of forms! So...blah.

Later on I made my mum and sister dinner. I made mini pizzas which was yet another dish Alex had taught me to make, if I survive at all at uni, it will be down to that man lol. Instead of using chicken as a topping (because my mum isn't keen on chicken) I used bacon instead which was quite yummy. My sister even thanked me by kissing my cheek and hugging me! She must have liked it haha.

I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight, I'm going to worry so much. I know it's ridiculous but you can't really blame me, this is my whole life here! Well, kinda. Oh well...Oh I saw my parents secretly talking to each other this morning....I hope they're planning something :D

Games, games, games!

Today has been significantly better. All day I had been looking towards MGO and when we played tonight, it was epic. 11 players at the peak of the match! It was so much fun, great to have some new faces as well as most of the faithful minions. No fighting, just good fun (unless you count Alexs' threat to shove a rocket up my arse? Hmm lol.).

Gamescon has also been very exciting, I didn't watch it like E3 but I read everyones tweets and all the good stuff was menstioned via twitter. MM announced that LBP is getting water! There's a very cute trailer for it to, the water looks amazing although I'm not sure if the pack it comes in will be free or not. I bet you have to pay...
Fireware 3.0 was also announced to be released next month, it includes more customisation (including avatars, copying the Xbox who copied the Wii then? Hopefully ours won't be as lame as theirs.), message icon to show you have a message, changes to friends profiles, more trophy customisation and some other shizz I can't remember. But anyway, it sounds awesome! Can't wait.
PS3 slim was announced, I think it looks rather ugly-ish in my opinion. I prefer a big beast of a machine personally! I have never seen the appeal of slim consoles. Just a marketing scam I think!

2 days until my results, well almost one day now. I'm so nervous. I really don't want to disppoint anyone, or myself. But I can't change things now. I get scared just thinking about it, can't wait to get it over and done with...

Meh

I am feeling slightly better about things, with the stress being on "slightly". But never mind that. Played Fat Princess with Iain today, beat him 2 games to 1 but to be fair, he had been sent home because he was over-tired! We also played some skate 2 together and did some challenges together! Just a few more and I'll have another trophy me thinks!

MGO tomorrow at 7 apparently. Which is good because I haven't played it in a while! Looking foward to it.

A level results in 3 days now...I'm getting nervous now. I know people keep saying, don't worry, you'll be fine, I have every confidence in you. I have confidence in myself, to an extent, but it doesn't stop me worrying. I know I won't sleep wednesday night!

Oh man not much to write about, makes a change eh. Sorry readers I'm being rather boring today but rather boring than depressing I suppose.

Fed up

I really am fed up now. I don't know what to do. I thought things would change now, things would get better, people would change, forgive each other, forget what's happened and move on. Oh how very wrong I was, I was too quick to judge and now? I don't think things are ever going to get fixed. I don't know he can lie to me, and say he wants to make things better then just make them worse. It's such a disappointment. I'm so upset and angry. What do I do now? Because I certainly don't know. I'm so fed up with the childish arguements and games. I've had a less than perfect weekend and I feel like everyone has had a better time than me, I know it's not 100% true but for goodness sake I just want to be happy, don't I deserve that at least? :( What am I even worth? I am beginning to wonder...:'(

Pubbing

Me, marnie and Bex did eventually decide to go pubbing rather than clubbing last night. I thought I'd better drag myself out and cheer myself up, I was a bit worried I wasn't going to be in a chatty mood but that soon changed. I got out of my baggy jeans and t-shirt into something a bit nicer and walked off down to Bex. Bex drove us there because she doesn't really drink so she doesn't mind driving us around and not drinking which is such a massive plus for us because we can't really afford taxis too often.

We headed off to Old Portsmouth first and went into Spice Island, lovely pub. The food looks (and apparently is) yummy too. I'll have to eat there sometime! Anyway I got a bottle of cider whilst Marnie stuck to her usual spiced rum and coke, we were there for 2 hours before we then decided we want some chips so we went back to the car. Bex noticed there was a bit of wire coming from under her car. She was scared it was a bomb or something. I said "For goodness sake it's just a bit of string or something that's caught in it". So I grabbed the wire and it was just see-through wire, on closer inspection it was just a fish hook that had somehow got stuck under the car but (thank goodness) it wasn't in the wheel or anything. Bex was scared of it for some reason and Marnie stayed well back, letting us get on with it. Bex unhooked it from the car and I told her to throw it away or at least put it somewhere it's not going to get stuck onto another car. As she walked away the string was still attached to my and Marnie's leg. Bex freaked out and dropped it, wondering what it was attached too. I unwrapped it from our legs. They were both being so dramatic! It's just a fish hook. And then Bex kept going on about how she might have HIV now. It's been in a fish, not a human! Oh dear.

I suggested we head back home to get chips because the Chinese do lovely, very generious portions of chips for a pound! Utter bargain! So we got some of those, went back to Bexs and consummed them before heading back out to go to the Reg. The Reg is a student pub so drinks are fairly cheap, you're bound to see someone you know and they play rock music. It's great. I got myself a glass of Pimms and we sat by the pool table to play pool. Bex and Marnie were against each other first of all. Jake came and got involved, treating them like silly girls who don't know how to play. Funny that Marnie completly thrashed Bex and Marnie had been drinking! Marnie said to me she thought Bex was flirting with jake, I said that's just how she acts around boys, she doesn't mean to seem flirty and I'm sure the boys never pick up on it anyway. Even if she did, so what, she's single she's allowed, nothing wrong with it. Marnie annoys me way more, I'm not sure if she actually is as ditzy as she acts or whether she puts it on! She says really stupid things sometimes and yes, we all have blonde moments but Marnie just comes across...differently. I don't know. She's just a little bit odd suppose.

Anyway I'd payed for their game of pool and hadn't got to play yet! So Marnie went off to find someone I could play with. I tried to stop her, I didn't want to play with someone I didn't really know because I've never played a proper game of pool before and I didn't want to look like and idiot! I know the rules of pool, their easy but when it comes to physically play it...I'd never done that. Marnie found someone, it was Joff. I knew who he was, he used to go to my school and he was in my film studies class but I never talked to him. I think I told him I liked his t-shirt once but that was about it and he didn't really respond...but anyway he came over and set up the game. I had to break. I failed miserably on that part! I wasn't doing very well when Jake came back and helped me on one shot. He lined me up properly, adjusted how I was holding the stick and such. He then told me to take the shot and it went in!! I thanked him for his help and he smiled, put his thumbs up and walked off again. I'm glad he left me to play by myself for the rest of the game, I didn't want someone helping me too much. I didn't do too bad actually. Joff was great and of course he won but by the end of the game I only had 2 more balls to pot. So it wasn't too bad, I did take some nice shots. He shook my hand at the end and said "good game" and walked off. It was much fun, really enjoyed myself and Joff was a good sportsman about things.

After that we went and sat with a group of people we knew from school/college but they didn't really talk to us. Kerry put a wine glass down too hard and smashed it which was quite funny. She must have been drunk, the doorman came over to see what was going on and she got a bit lairy but luckily he didn't hear most of the things she said. We cleared up the glass that had bounced off my leg, close call that. Then one of the best songs came on "The power of love" by Huey Lewis and The News. Marnie said something negative about love. I wish she'd stop doing that, it puts a downer on things and plus she has a boyfriend, who loves her, who she's been dating for about 5 years. They had an arguement before she came out with us (typical, I swear everytime she's just about to go out, something happens and she moands about it) so of course she wasn't in the best of moods about BJay. If they argue so much then just split up and shut the fuck up about it. If they're happy, then stop being to damn negative. I really hope my future relationships don't get like that, although it's guarenteed they will really isn't it? Something nice to look foward to...

We were tired by about quarter past 1 so we said goodbye to the people who cared and left. All in all it was a good night and I'm glad I went I had fun in the end. There were a few annoying niggly things as usual, but you just got to ignore those annoyances I suppose.

In a blah kinda mood.

Well I'm rather glad I left early last night, Jo phoned me at about 12:30 because she was walking home and obviously it's safer to be talking to someone. Anyway, she told me there was a fight! She know who the men were, a couple of chavs I suppose, the female bar-maid and owner were the ones who stopped all the men from fighting with each other but apparently one guy got proper punched in the face. The birthday girl didn't seem to care though she just said "There's always a fight!". So, I didn't miss much. I went to bed after getting off the phone from Jo but I couldn't sleep again, I didn't get to sleep until past 2:30. It's getting on my nerves now.

Found out this morning my auntie is very ill, they still don't exactly know what's wrong with her but she's having an x-ray on her stomach today, not sure why. But she did have a bad night sleeping last night. Oh dear, am rather worried :( Her birthday is on monday and she'll almost certainly be in hospital. Worst birthday ever :/

Was meant to be going out today but no one has text me or told me what is going on. I don't really want to go out anyway, I'm not in the mood. Marnie just rung me and said instead of clubbing we could go out to a nice pub or something, I wouldn't mind doing that I suppose but only if Bex was driving us there. I cannot afford a taxi. Hopefully we'll go out properly next week, I spoke to Jo last night and she said "Are you coming out tuesday then?", I said "going out where?", I hadn't been invited to anything. Jo said that Yaz and that were going out then. Well Yaz said she wanted to go out with me but she hasn't told me about tuesday! So I have no idea what's going on there. Gah. Marnie mentioned maybe going out thursday night because it's student night at Tiger Tiger. I said I'd be up for that as it would be a good celebration for results day! So I hope we do that, unless I fail. Then I may not feel like going out...

5 days. 5 days until my results. I literally cannot wait. It's weird, I should be nervous but people have so much faith in my it's kind of helped me have faith in myself. I am counting down the days! Yippie!

I haven't been in the mood for much today, even gaming has been boring me. I would like a hug and a cuddle and to watch a film. Nothing more. Shame I can't get what I want eh! Ahh such is life. Don't know what to do. If I go out tonight I'm not going to be very entertaining at all. I need an injection of something :( I hope everyone has fun at Jens' tonight. I'm a bit gutted I couldn't go but not that many people are going anyway. Oh well, there'll be a next time.

Kims' Birthday "Party"

Well. That was pretty shit to be honest. It's 11pm now...yep pretty early right! Well Adam, Amy, Charlotte and Chris came and knocked for me at about 7:25, we walked 30 seconds down the road to the pub and when we walked in...hardly anyone was in there. We stood there, rather awkwardly, waiting for Kim to actually greet us, we'd said Hi, happy birthday but she wasn't too good at paying attention to people. Anyway, we all sat round a table and had a chat about things. Another Amy(H) arrived with Karl. Amy.H does not stop talking! But it's good because she's rather funny and it stops there being awkward silences.

It was good seeing people I hadn't talked to in a while, especially Amy and Adam. Amy told me something she'd done which was pretty...wow I can't believe you'd actually do that but she's still my mate, no matter what she gets up to. Anywho, the birthday girl, Kim, was in this tiny little dress and she's really busty, huge boobs and she, well, let's say had them on show. When she was dancing there were quite a few pervy old men staring at her. Gross. The place was full of old men and chavs...not good. Jake said (about her boyfriend) "Well I know why he's dating her!", nudging Amy.H's arm. A bit harsh but he's Jake, he's only kidding.

The DJ was also aweful, he played the most random songs. Alot of really old stuff but not good old stuff, which was odd because he didn't look that old. He tried to mix songs and scratch (is that what they call it?) but it sounded aweful. He couldn't do it at all. Epic fail. Amy did request Papparazzi and Womanizer and we danced along to those. Womanizer always gets me going hehe. Amy said she didn't know how I had the confidence to dance when I'd only had one drink. Well that's the thing, I don't need to drink to have confidence now :) And I love it. Then that song "pretty green eyes" came on, Amy kept calling it my song haha bless her. It is a cute song I spose.

Adam and Amy decided to get some beers and then go back to their place, I was invited of course but I really wasn't in the mood. Adam said he'd walk me home but I really wasn't in a good mood as the party was kinda lame. And I am very tired aswell. Stewie seems alot more cheerful now, maybe it's because the operation is over now but he's being really nice. It's lovely to have the old Stew back. I hope we can all move on and just forget all this stuff ever happened :) Am feeling very optimistic :D

I also found out when I got home, my auntie doesn't have swine flu it seems! She's been put in isolation! They don't know what it is yet, my uncle isn't allowed to go see her. I think it may be something to do with this:http://bit.ly/125EVQ I am quite worried :/

And it started with a little kiss, like this...

The Domokun cookies (see yesterdays blog)

Well I DID plan to go to bed early last night but that kinda went out the window. I was having a chat with the few of the minions as we wished Stewie luck and such and then decided to go to bed. I had text Alex to see how his kids holiday thing was going. I was lying there in bed. Far too awake for my own good when I got a reply, he's not having the best time in the world :(. I text him back then tried to get to sleep but I tossed and turned and couldn't really get comfy or even sleepy, Alex then rung me at what must have been 20 to 2am. So I got up, went downstairs and chatted with him till about 2 then went back to bed. Still couldn't sleep for another half an hour. Think I've completly fucked up my sleep pattern :/ Oh dear...

Anyway I haven't ended up doing much today, arranged what was going on tonight. Amy, Chris and Adam are calling for me before we all walk up to the Old Canal pub which is just up the road from me to go to Kims birthday party. I doubt I'll be out too late, parties usually end around 12, which is good because it will tire me out and I'll go to bed a little earlier for once, she says hopefully! Should be an okay night I suppose. It's a bummer Yaz now can't come (she can't get the time off work) but she said we should do something next week, so here's hoping! Bex also text me today asking if I wanted to go out tomorrow night, I said sure but I dunno where we are going, she has nothing planned she just said, Guildhall? lol. So erm, not sure what's going on there. It's nice I'm finally getting out of the house although I can't really afford to, haha, how sad is that. Pretty fed up of parents telling me I don't do anything, can't fucking wait to move out!

Reminds me, in the post today I got my batman t-shirt (yay!) and I also got this magazine on uni shizz. In there, it gives 50 tips for surviving freshers week. As I was reading through one of the tips said something about tieing up old relationships and, basically, snog as many people as you can. Erm, how about fucking no. Just because I'm at uni does not mean I want to get off with every lad I see. For fucks sake. Why are us teens percieved in this way?! It's not fair. We don't all act like that y'know or WANT to. And ok, you may think well it's only telling you to kiss people. Call me old fashioned but I thought a kiss was mean to mean something? I guess it doesn't to some people, the kind of people who get was with whoever in nightclubs. I couldn't do that. A kiss DOES mean something to me, it means a lot to me. You don't just go giving them out to whoever. But hey, that's just me.

Spoke to Stew today on how his operation went, he said it went fine, now he's just got to wait 3 months for it to heal before he can have the next leg done. So it's unlikely he'll make it to game on! which is sadface but if all goes to plan he'll be fixed in 6 months! I suggested a celebration party! He seemed to like that idea and I think it's a pretty damn good one too if I don't say so myself!

So I suppose I'd better go now, parents are getting annoying. Hope tonight is good fun. At least it's a cheap night out eh. :) x

Dinner!

Dinner was lovely. I had the pie of the day which was peppered steak and they were really REALLY generous with the meat! It came with chips and veg too, of course. But man alive there was a lot of meat in that pie. It was gorgeous. Very yummy. Had no room for pudding which was a shame because my mums friend had the strawberry ice-cream and that looked SO good! Damn. Next time though, next time I'll have sausages (it's what the pub specialises in), my dad had a kangeroo sausage! I didn't taste it though...poor kangaroo.

The problem is, afterwards we decided to go for a walk down the road to find another pub. But alas, I hadn't eaten much all day (meals consisted of cereal for breakfast, crisps for lunch and a couple of sami's biscuits later on) so after eating next to nothing all day I had a huge meal. Not good. I think it was a shock to my stomach! As we walked I got the most painful stitch, it felt like a zombie had taken a bite out of side or something! I felt aweful and just wanted to sit down somewhere. My mum asked me if I wanted a drink (as in alcohol, I pressume) but I said no I just want to sit down! My mum decided she'd take me and Sami back home and my dad could get a lift home with kelvin and Sue. So mum drove us home, my stitch has gone now. It wasn't a good idea to wear my summer dress either because although it is quite flowing at the bottom, it's quite tight on me as it's very fitted. I (apparently) looked lovely but since my stomach had suddenly expanded I didn't feel too comfortable after dinner!!! Note to self: Next time wear looser fitting clothes!

I think I'll go to bed early-ish tonight. I'm so knackered and I really should staying up so late. My dad said (a bit over-dramatically) that I had massive black patches under my eyes at dinner tonight. Yes dad, that's a lovely thing to point out to me at dinner. Besides, my mum didn't agree and nor do I, okay I don't look bright eyed and bushy-tailed but I didn't look that bad either! Sheesh. I just hope I can actually get to sleep and that I haven't fucked up my sleep pattern too much!

Dykes

Well I was going to save to do this later after I'd come back from having dinner but i'm so bored waiting for vidzone to update I may as well do this now and comment on the night out laters!

The picture above is when we were in Brighton and we found Dyke Road! I was extremely hyper at this point as you can see (don't lock me up in a car for hours, the energy just builds up!!!) and this pic is great, makes me smile.

Went onto Home to check out the updates but it was all a massive disappointment to be honest, a few new things but it kept crashing/freezing on me so I guess I'll look at it another time.

My sister wanted to make some Domo-kun cookies but unfortunatly only two of them ended up looking like him! Might be able to post a pic later if she uploads it. They taste yummy though, trust me :)

While I began to write this, my entire family turned up (well, almost). My auntie (the one without swine flu!), uncle, gran and grandad all turned up. It was nice to see them, haven't seen them in a while and I showed them my holiday photos from tenerife as they're stored on the PS3 (makes for excellent slideshows). They liked them and were glad I had a good time. They've all been to Tenerife 10 times together as a family. Wow. I would prefer to travel to different places personally, than to keep going back to the same country. But that's just me. So yeah, I probably wouldn't go back again, would like to visit somewhere new. I want to see the world!

Me and JB stayed up late again, having hilarious conversations! I'm really confused as to whether to buy this Princess Leia Slave costume (see picture). It's hot but it's nearing £40 and I haven't got the money to throw away on things I haven't got the oppertunity to wear right now! But hey, if anyone throws a fancy dress party soon I'll buy it :) The best quote goes to JB last night, I showed him a hilarious Jabba the Hut costume, he said if I got the leia one he would get the Jabba one and "I'll shuffle round Portsmouth with you on a leash". Haha! Hmm JB very kinky indeed. I did mention we may get stopped by police but it's ok, JB will just release the Rancor!

I have to go now, going out in 10 minutes and I'm not ready!!! Will blog later tonight too :) x

Funny stories, both fact and fiction.

Had alot of fun last night staying up until 2:30am talking to JB about random crap and genrally laughing my socks off! Was epically good fun. I've said it before and I'll say it again, late night chats = the best.

Did fack all again today. W00t. Kim invited me to her 18th, she's going clubbing tomorrow, the theme is schoolgirl, well I have the outfit, I was tempted to go then I realised I'm going out for dinner tomorrow and I'd much rather do that than go clubbing with her because she's not even one of my friends. She's just a girl I used to chat to every so often at school who happened to add me on FB. Nothing more. But she is having a proper party on friday at a pub down the road from me. My old best mate Yaz is going so I definatly want to go to that as I don't see her often! Plus Yaz is the best girl ever, she's so easy going, we always seem to agree with each other on everything and we both laugh at absolutly everything! We are the perfect match as friends, it's just a shame she moved away! Amy is also meant to be going to this party so woohoo, I'll have some people there I know. Should be a laugh :) Haven't been "out" in weeks. Looking foward to tomorrows meal out too. I love food :D

Give blood rang up today to get me to book an appointment for a donation. So I let the guy know I needed to be taken off the register because I'm too light to give blood and it makes me ill. So he's put my account to "sleep" meaning I won't be deleted off their system so if/when I do eventually put on weight, I can sign back up again easily.

That reminds me, my mum got me a Stephen King book from the library full of short stories. I read the first one today and it was hilarious! It made me cringe at first though. A guy finds out he's still alive on an autopsy table but he can't move, blink, make a sound so he's fucked. He thinks he's going to get cut open! A snake bite paralysed him but the doctors think the bite on his leg is just from an insect. The female doctor then (just before letting the male doctor cut into him) spots an old war wound on the guys testicle. She's intrigued so she holds his cock in one hand and lifts it up to get a closer look. While she's doing this another doctor bursts into the room, saying a snake jumped out of the bodybag he was in so he must have just had a snake bite! The female doctor, so shocked that he'd burst into the room, grips this guys penis without realising so when she looks down at the "dead" guy, he realises he's semi-erect. She screams. Haha! I laughed so much! So this poor guy doesn't get cut open or anything and he dates the doctor for four months but it didn't last...he could only get it up when she was wearing rubber gloves! LOL! I never knew Stephen King could be so funny. I look foward to reading the rest of his short stories.

Cooking fail?

Well today has sort of been an eventful day. My mum and sister went shopping together leaving me by myself for a few hours because my dad went to work for an afternoon tea-dance. Yay! So I sat down and played COD: World at war because I'd never played it before and everyone's been ranting about how great the zombies mini-game is so I'd thought I'd try it. Had a fun session with Craig doing the co-op campaign mode, though I'm ashamed to say he totally owned me points wise! Alas, 3rd online game in I got a 10 kill streak! In a later match I dominated the competiton with 31 kills, 3 assists and only 7 deaths. Get in! So all in all, that was rather fun.

I then decided to make some biscuits (I need to practice for later plans, mwaha), to looked through the two student cookery books I'd been bought last xmas. And yes, I was thrilled with that present...anywho I found one for ginger biscuits. Yum. So I got all the ingrediants together and started to make them. I split alot of ginger everywhere, great start! Then realised I'd put in too much ginger, woops, so they might be slightly hotter than expected...I knew there was something wrong because the recipe was telling me to put in alot of flour in comparison to the other ingrediants. When looking at other recipes for simular biscuits my suspisions were correct! Stupid recipe! So my mum had to come in and save the day by basically adding a shit load of golden syrap to make the mixture into dough! It sort of worked. I got a few biscuits out of it.
They look fine but I'm not sure what they'll taste like, suppose I'll find out later! I wanted to ice them with that stuff you get in squeezy tubes but it seems we don't have any. Bum. Oh well, that's that idea ruined!

And as you can see from the picture, yes those biscuits are rocket shaped! I was going to save it as a surprise but you blog readers can have a sneak preview. I brought a rocket-shaped cookie cutter in Brighton so I could make all the rocket minions cookies for Game on! Hence why I wanted some icing, I want to do one with each persons MGO name on! Of course next time they will be plain biscuits and not godamn ginger ones! So I hope I can make you all some for game on! Since Jenivere did the cookign last time ;) It won't be as epic as her cake but I'm never going to live up to her am I!!! Hehe.

I thought we were meant to be MGOing tonight for Alex but he hasn't said anything or text me back so I've no idea what's going on. If he doesn't get back to me before 7, I won't bother playing as we played last night. 8 people! It was epic, just like old times except matt and stew were missing. Sadface. Still, good fun :)

Waiting for my mother and sister to return from walking the dog so I can double make sure we haven't got any icing and I've got a very funny video to show Sami on youtube. Fresh prince of Gotham, ahh thank you Jen for posting that, I laughed so much!
9 days till results!

Currently listening to: Hanna Pakarinen-Love in a million shades
"Life could be easy, we could have everything..."

10 days!

10 days. 10 days until I find out my results. I'm rather excited really (because I'm a weirdo), I've always liked getting work back and seeing what I got for it. I'm not sure why. I'm just a nerd I suppose. Unfortunatly, my friend Alice knows she hasn't done well. She's very smart but she knows she's failed Biology. Mainly because she had a shit teacher, who never taught his class much at all. And because Alice had a rather bad attitude towards him, it seems he never really bothered to teach her. Okay, so Alice may be slightly to blame here but I know Alice could do great in this subject if she had a decent teacher because she's much smarter than me. So I do feel really sorry for her because obviously she's not looking foward to results (as I'm sure many people aren't!). This means two things. 1, will I get to walk with Alice to results or will she want to be alone? I hope not because me, Bex and Alice always walk together on these kind of events. The 3 muskateers! If worst comes to worst, me and Bex can still walk together or all 3 of us will walk and Alice will open her results somewhere else. Obviously I want to hang around for a bit and let my teachers how well I've done! Or not as the case may be lol. I'm sure I'll be fine though, as people keep telling me!

2, this also means (probably) no celebrations :( So what am I going to do when I get them? Go straight back home afterwards? Yay. I did that last year, though AS results aren't exactly a biggy, I wasn't even nervous then, though of course I was still glad I did ok. Actually I did better okay, 2 Bs and a C! That's good for me. People seem to think I'm smart, and sure, I know a lot about certain things (mainly because I love knowledge, knowledge is power, I want to know everything I can know, I love learn, see geek!) but I'm not great at getting good grades. There are a lot more people smarter than me! Although I suppose I do have 10 GCSEs and that's more than most people, scarily enough. So yeah, great, no celebrations! Sadface. Someone come and give me a party please? Or send booze, and I'll drink myself stupid and dance in the street. Actually, that sounds like fun...

What I can gather from my friends facebook wall posts, her baby has been born today on her birthday! Happy 18th birthday, here's a baby! It's a boy called Declan I think. Cute name! Aww little Dec hehe. Can't wait to see a picture now. See, the thought of having a baby doesn't go down well in my mind but then when I see cute little babies or kids my heart melts. Such a softie. Maybe I will be a mother one day? I want to wait a looooooooong time though! Gotta live my life first definatly.

Been looking at pictures of Gwen Stefani, no I'm not turning gay, I just think she's really pretty, plus I've been listening to her music alot lately. That's a real pretty lady, not some slut-bag who poses nude for nuts or whatever. Real beauty doesn't need to get naked. Although, some nude photos are done nicely, like arty if you get what I mean? Ahh now I sound like I'm contradicting myself, I'll just shut up. it's always for the best.

Currently watching: Vidzone-Gwen Stefani-Hollaback girl
Gwen looks too cute as a cheerleader...maybe I am turned gay haha!
"Few times I've been round that track, so it's not just gunna happen like that coz I ain't no hollaback girl, I ain't no hollaback girl."
Everytime I hear this song now...I think of that family guy episode (the one that's a homage to Stephen King, great episode).

Happy Birthday?

I had a great day w00t :D Anyway, down to the serious buisness. My friend (we're not close mind) has gone into labour apparently. Looks like the baby will be born tomorrow, which is her birthday, her 18th birthday! Jesus Christ, happy birthday :S She won't mind though, she's always wanted this baby. Rumours were that the father was a 40-odd year old man! Eww. Must have been her virginity too, eugh, great first time! Their own fault though, couldn't be bothered to use protection because it was a "spur of the moment". Seriously. That's so not an excuse, where did they do it a car?! I don't want to think about it actually...

So, I hope things turn out for her and her baby. As I say though, she's not a close friend so the most I'll end up seeing is a few pics on facebook I suppose! Ahh well, she always did annoy me hehe. Good luck to her though, she'll need it!

Currently listening to: Lady gaga-I like it rough
"I'm in the bedroom with tissues and when I hear you outside banging then I won't let you in. Coz it's a hard life with love in the world and I'm a hard girl loving me's like straightening curls..."

Another uneventful day

Not even sure why I'm bothering to blog! I literally have spent the day on the computer and ps3 (playing COD4). One of my controllers is fucked because of COD4 so if you ever see me during a game, randomly walking fowards, that's why. My dad is going to get another one though, he's saved up over 10,000 Sony points on his Sony card so he can get one for free with them, sweet!

I am trying to convince my parents to get me a PS3 for uni. My dad found one, second hand in Cex for £205, only 40GB memory but nowadays you can buy SATA drives for so cheap, there's no point getting a bigger hard drive straight away because it will get replaced eventually anyway. I said if I could have it as a birthday present (bearing in mind, the biggest Bday present i've ever got is £100, compared to most kids...that's nothing lol). My mum said joint birthday and xmas present maybe. I said, fine! Great! I'm happy with that!!! Nothing else I'd want anyway, I know I'll just end up with loads of "useful" shit for uni anyway as presents this year (oh the joy!). So yes, I'm praying that's what I get. My mum insisted that I needed to first see whether I had time to play games at uni, is she insane?! You have shit loads of time at uni! Plus I can't give up gaming, it's my life. It would be like asking my mates Alice to give up going to gigs (she's a music nut), she wouldn't do it. She'd spend her last tenner going to a gig I swear. It's part of my life, you can't take that away from me! hehe.

I found out the other day, the size of my loan for Uni, is going to be over 8K a year. So, at the end of it all, I'm going to be over £22,000 in debt. Great. Fantastic. Nice start to my life. Ahh well, I don't really care, uni is going to be a blast I hope. 12 days until I find out my results! Eeek!

Found out yesterday my auntie has swine flu, not sure where she's got it from because she doesn't work anymore (she injured her hand badly) but maybe Alan (my uncle) brought it home from work? He does drive a hospital transport van! Oh well, I haven't seen them in ages, they live about 30 minutes away so we are quite safe, just as long as my grandparents don't get it!

Rabbit hearted Girl

"This is a gift, it comes with a price, who is the lamb and who is the knife?" Fallen in love with this "Rabbit heart" song by Florence and the machine. Utterly mesmerising stuff. She is rather beautiful too, don't you think?

Anyway, haven't done much today except listen to music and game. Life couldn't get much more exciting eh? MGO was the highlight of my day, had a few epic matches with some randoms because only me, JB and M were on at 7pm, Alex would be coming later at 8pm. Coming later? Hahaha! Sorry, *cough*, enough of the childishness! So yes I decided to set up a game full of free for all matches because that's what JB seemed to want and they were good fun! Unfortunatly after Alex joined, so did two level 16 girls, one of them was a complete childish bitch for no reason. She tried to kick JB because JB was killing her during a solo capture game. I'm sorry, but if you see someone, the idea is to kill them, even if there is a target involved. So, me and alex said at the same time "no kicking!" haha jinx, anyways she starting LOLing about everything and just being annoying in general. So I decided to kick her, the other level 16 had left, pressumebly she'd gotten fed up with the argueing. EpicSteve was playing with us too, as was Chris McDonald, such dude, great guys to play with. Anyway, I knew everyone would say yes to kicking her but SOMEONE didn't -_-. When I asked who said no, M went "erm" so I'm guessing it was him by accident? Not sure. Anyway it didn't matter because Alex was pwning her in the game so she left! LEAVER! Haha.

After that final game, everyone had to go, leaving just me and Alex. We decided to have a game of Fat Princess! So it was just me VS him (with A.I helpers). It was an epic match. Basically, we kept swaping princesses. I got my princess back then so did he, so I went for the other princess and so did he! So we just swapped! It was a very close match, not sure who won, he thinks he did (typical eh!) but he said I made him work for it (I have to make him work for something!!!). Hehe. Fun times. Can't wait until we can play with some others, I'm sure me and Alex would pwn on the same team. Let's wait and see eh?

Currently listening to: Eminem-Without me
"This looks like a job for me, so everybody just follow me coz we need a little controversy and it feels so empty without me"

Ahh, The traditional family bike-ride..

Seriously, have I gone back in time?! Am I 10 again?! Oh well, my knackered body was dragged ontop of a bike today to cycle all the way to hayling island. I blame the tirededness on an epic 3 hour long conversation last night about random crap as usual. These conversations lead to the invention of new words such as, "Homoprobic", meaning pro-homosexuals! Ahh why does the human mind peak at 2am?! Such craziness. Such good times. Better spending my nights doing shit like that rather than in bed, bored or on facebook, doing fuck-all. Sadface.

Anyway yes, hayling island, off we went at around 12, midday. It took us an hour-ish to get there, maybe slightly over that actually and by the time we'd reached our destination, I was hot, sweaty and tired. Greaaaat. The "reward" as it was (as I would have never let myself we forced if there was no reward!), was a pub lunch, which I was greatly looking foward to. But, did they have anything decent on the menu? Of course they didn't. Argh. So me and the sister ended up sharing a plate of chips, which were very nice actually. Then we noticed the pudding menu...so we had an ice-cream sundee too. Was yummy. So it wasn't so bad after all.

We let our food go down and then we decided to head back. It had been predicted to rain at 1pm, but it hadn't. Nice to know my parents had told us there was a risk of getting soaked! Sigh. Anyway we were quite lucky, it started to rain and I thought "Oh nooooo" but it stopped. It was only when we got back that it started to absolutly pour down, it still is now!

That's about as exciting as my life got today. Now I have a very sore arse from the damn bicycle seat! It's not too easy to sit down :( Parents have gone out to the pub, so I'm sat here bored out of skull *shakes fist as God*.

Curerently listening to: Hanna Pakarinen-Go go (AMAZING song!)
"Now wait. Zero gravity. Too late, no one's having me! Oh God, where's my sanity?"
If you've never listened to this lady, I highly recommend her. I love her! She's amazing. Listen! Now!

Yummy Dinner

My first attempt at cooking dinner (practically) by myself! Excluding all that cooking we had to do in school of course. I made BBQ chicken which Alex had taught me how to cook a while ago (because I'm going to uni soon and need some tips!). I couldn't get the exact same sauce he used but it ended up being nice anyways, even if it was rather hot in places, it wasn't too bad. It was yummy according to my family so yay! And the chicken was definatly cooked so no food poisoning hehe. I do worry I may kill people, I need to have more faith in myself! We had new potatoes and brocolli with the chicken, very nice. I am quite chuffed hehe. Should have taken a picture! D'oh.

Played Fat Princess for the first time this after, is very cute and funny. Completed the storymode fairly quickly, love the fact the trophy for completing it is called "The cake is not a lie!". I can see what Alex meant about the innuendos...I also unlocked a trophy called "Got wood?" Haha! Love it. I look foward to some online games with the other minions!!! Should be so much fun! Blood, gore and cake, what more could a girl ask for?!

Wuv

The picture above was sent to me via my dearest Jenivere, she said "I saw this and thought of you". Aww, the picture is very true, the mind should not get involved in such things! Who needs rationale thinking when you have love?!

I woke up today, not too late, for me but I felt exhausted. Like I'd been running in my sleep or something! My back aches, must have slept funny. I remember having odd dreams, I have no idea what they were about but I'm pretty sure Stew was in one of them. Probably me wondering if his pre-op went okay that's got me thinking about him recently. As well as, other things. Hm.
Anyhow, I dragged my corpse to the postbox to post a letter then came home and slumped on the sofa again. I've transfered all my pictures from the old, semi-broken laptop to this one via memory stick. I also needed to transfer my spotify playlist because I had 300 odd songs on there and it would have taken me and age to build a brand new one on this computer!

Luckily, I worked out for myself I could post my playlist to facebook. So when I logged onto my dell, all I had to do was click on the link and poof! My playlist had been reborn onto this computer, how genius is that?! God I love you Spotify! Iain's just discovered it too, he loves it. I am spreading the word of Spotify! Hehe.

Can't wait till after lunch because then I'm allowed to play PS3 (I know, what am I 10?) and I can play Fat Princess, yay! Then later tonight I has stuff to look foward to so yay! More late night chats I hope hehe.

Currently listening to: Hanna Pakarinen- Stronger without you
"You can't hold me down, now that I'm stronger without you. And I finally see we're through. I know you think I'm weaker so, I'm going without you coz I'm stronger without you."

Extremely Happy face

I'm sooooo happy at the moment :) Not caring about such problems, the ones I cannot solve at the moment. Someone has cheered me up immensely so all is good in my world!

I went to Chichester today for shopping. I didn't really care much about shopping but afterwards we were going to get my laptop from Currys yay! Shame I don't still work there, could have got discount :'( Stoopid Currys...Ahh well, I has it now and it's bright cherry red and shiny black, it's so sexy! Yes, I find electronics sexy, is that slightly weird? Probably. But I don't care!

Alex got Fat Princess today so I'm going to steal it off him tomorrow yay! I would have got it myself but I can't afford it at the moment, I just brought a laptop! Haha. Can't wait to play it, a four way should be fun too sometime :)

Not sure what to write today to be honest! Oh, MGO was great fun as always! Still loving it. Now to just get used to this laptop and install the programs I need to and bookmark my fav. sites again. Ho hum, best get on with it whilst watching family guy, like I do every night hehe. X

Complete and utter helplessness.

Well, I tried to solve a situation, a break of friendship between my mates and it didn't work. I had to say something though, all these problems were killing me. I felt anger and sadness at both sides of the arguement and indeed inside of me.

I went to Southampton today, to go shopping, on the way there, I was thinking about the whole situation and honestly, I almost cried. I'm on the verge of crying now. It sounds pathetic but I was so very happy when I had 7 great friends who all got on so well and now, that's pretty much ruined, all because one person can't be fucked to fix it. Bringing up a problem, then ignoring it, isn't going to get things fixed. I hate this. So I raise my hands, I give up. No matter how much sympathy I try to give out, it's thrown back in my face. The amount of times I've gotten upset and I mean properly upset, because I can't make Stew feel any better about life, is ridiculous. Now I sometimes wonder why I even bother caring. I wonder, if he cares at all about me. I'm going to stop before I start crying, my eyes are welling up.

On a more positive note, I got my copy of OPM today and I'm in it! Yay! I'm raving up COD4 on the top 20 games page, I didn't realise you could quite see so far down my dress in that picture, oopsy, but oh well hehe.

Eugh. I can't write today, it's all gotten a bit too much of late. At least I had a good, long phonecall last night, highlight of my week so far :/ I think I'm going to leave things for a bit, give him some space and take a few steps back. I don't know if I can stomach to start up a conversation at the moment anyway...