Successful shopping!

Today didn't start off too well...my mum got annoyed with me because she announced last minute that we were going shopping and she was annoyed I wasn't ready. Well mum, I am not psychic, contrary to belief! Okay so I had mentioned that I needed to go shopping yesterday but she changes her mind so much I was not sure we were actually going! But apparently we were so I chucked on my shoes, grabbed a bag and left with my parents.
I only really needed to get euros but I thought I might as well look in H+M for any last minute summer clothes. I'm very glad I did now! I brought a skirt for a tenner, shorts for a fiver and a dress for £3! The dress is okay, bit tight on the chest area to be honest! But I'll take it for the holiday then give it to my little sister, she'll wear it more than me! I also got a top for £4 but my mum didn't check the size when picking it up for me, when I got home I realised it was size 16!!!! Twice my size! Oops! Will have to take it back and exchange it or get my money back.
I decided to get £250 worth of euros which came to about £285 euros, not bad! The pound has obviously got stronger against the euro...or is it the other way around? I never fully understand these things! Anyway I got a good deal so I don't care! So I owe my mum £250...which I'll have to take out of my savings account when I get back...ouch.
Been playing Resi most of the evening, my dad went to work and my mum went out so it was a good excuse to do nothing but play! I'm literally on the last section now chapter 6-3! It's such an amazing game. But I'm stuck, there's two fat men with machine guns and I always run out of weapons/ammo so I can't kill them! Sheva isn't much help as usual, I have asked Stew to help me, he said he will, so hopefully he can get me past that section! I really want to complete it! Now!!!!
I'm going on holiday in a week exactly! Getting to the airport isn't a problem, Bex's dad can give us a lift, though we'll have to leave really early! But we have no way of getting back! We'll have to get a train or taxi...which is going to cost alot :( sigh. One problem after another....

Self-loathing friends and bastard parents.

Pic to illustrate how pretty my friends are! Marnie, Bex and Alice (with me on the end!)
Was quite glad to get out of the house today. Alice invited me down the beach, she said her and Jess were on their way round. So, of course, I assumed they were calling for me, so I got ready quickly, waited...waited some more...where the fuck were they? So I text Alice "Hurry up! :P" and she then told me that her and Jess were already down the beach! You could have let me know guys! I was annoyed, pissed off even, I was tempted not to even go but I knew I was just being stupid, so I left and walked there by myself. I finally got there and found them, so we three just ended up lying in the sun, talking about various things and people. I felt very chilled out for once and was glad I had decided to go.
Later in the day, Elliot turned up but I don't really talk to him, he just ended up talking to Jess the whole time. Marnie then turned up and we decided, along with Alice to go buy some chips down the road. But the godamn fish and chip shop was closed! Typical. So we decided to buy some sandwiches in the local Spar instead, which tasted discusting, but oh well, no matter, we returned to the beach. All was going well until for some reason, Marnie started talking about Megan Fox, bit random but basically saying that she was pretty, Alice agreed. I disagreed. I just said I thought she was just a slut and not really that pretty. But Alice persisted that she was pretty and said she was jealous of her. No point of being jealous though. You're never going to look like her so what's the point. So I merely made the comment that I was happy with the way I am, which I am! Alice gave Marnie a really funny look and said in an odd way "Well good for you!" as if I'd said something wrong! Well I am sorry for not loathing myself. I didn't know we all had to hate ourselves! So I added, "You guys should be too! There's nothing wrong with either of you!" Alice muttered "I could give you and long list" Marnie laughed and agreed. It's utter bullshit I tell you! They're both SO pretty! Marnie has a boyfriend who's she's been out with for over 5 years! So why the fuck doesn't she have any self-confidence! She has someone who loves her just the way she is and blokes always look at her when she goes out. If I go out and someone even glances at me, that's a massive achievement for me but it doesn't get me down! What's the point! And Alice, she's tall, has a flat stomach, lovely long skinny legs. What the fuck does she have to complain about? Sigh. This is why I hate females sometimes, they always complain about the way they look and then when you say you're happy with yourself, you get looked at like some sort of freak! I used to absolutly hate the way I look, but I saw the light, learned to love myself and I'm so glad I have. I don't think I'm beautiful or anything, I just think I'm okay. Attractive enough. Not to everyone but no one's going to be attractive to everyone! You can't measure beauty. It's a mere opinion.
So I thought it was best to leave before I got annoyed. If Bex was there she would have backed me up. We are always saying how silly Marnie and Alice are because we both agree they're beautiful and we can't believe they don't see it themselves. I had to go home for dinner anyways, so I said my goodbyes and walked home.
I told my parents how annoyed I was at my friends for being so ridiculous. I can't remember how we even got to this point in the conversation but basically my mum said how I've been impossible to talk to recently because I bite peoples heads off. I don't. I've been annoyed recently it's true. I blame hormones mixed with stress. But I never snap at my friends, so it's obviously something my parents do to annoy me. They couldn't understand what I've got to be stressed about, as if I shouldn't have a care in the world or something. Hardy fucking ha! I said I AM stressed because usually I am one of those people who is super chilled out (I was today at the beach for the best part of the day!) and when I was asked what I was stressed about I couldn't tell them. This was for two reasons, one: They must not know and most importantly, two: they wouldn't understand. They really wouldn't. Infact they'd be angry with me, probably. So it's best they never know, I used to be so open with my parents but there's so many things they don't know about me now, it's crazy. I basically had a mini arguement with my parents. I really hate them sometimes. They never take me seriously, especially my dad, he thinks everything is a fucking joke. And there's nothing worse than people not taking you seriously, I hate it, it drives me insane. And the fact they think I have nothing to be stressed out? That's a joke in itself, if only they knew. And also, since I talk to my mum alot about the things I worry about e.g uni and money, she should fucking know I'm stressed out! But no, apparently she doesn't listen. I'm sick of it, I'm sick of them. I NEED to move out this year, before my relationship with them deteriates any further. I'm just feeling a lack of people care about me at the minute.
I know I sound like I moaning bitch and I'm sorry, I really am. I hope I'm not pissing people off, I do worry constantly that I annoy people or moan too much or whatever. It really worrys me. Although, my friend Bex has described me twice as: "Really annoying, because she's one of those people who you can never hate. She never does anything wrong!" Personally, I think that's a lie, I think I must piss people off a lot but still, it's very sweet of her to say so. Bex is my only true friend (nearby) at the moment. She's my rock and I'm her hard place, so she says :)

Good times and bad times.

Well it turns out I got my wish last night, we did go pubbing instead! Much better than clubbing, although by the end of the night I was singing and dancing in the Reg anyway (it's their fault for playing the power of love!!!!! Which none of my friends knew -_-). We went down Albert road first (Bex drove as she's not one for drinking) and ended up in the student bar, the regestry. The barman was such a knob though. I asked him for a bourbon and coke and he looked at me like some sort of weirdo: "Bourbon? I'm a student pub?" "Yes, I've had it here twice before" I replied. For some reason he was convinced they didn't have any bourbon, so I settled for vodka, when he turned around to get it bourbon was RIGHT THERE BEHIND HIM! Next to the Jack Daniels, you couldn't fucking miss it. But I decided not to argue and point it out, dumb shit doesn't even know what they sell! Oh well, Bex's mate Josh hung around with us for a bit too, he's okay, a bit up his own arse. Bex fancied him but by the end of the night, she'd changed her mind, she'd obviously seen the light! We all played pool too, which was fun, especially as me and Marnie were drunk and therefore played terrible, although I can't play sober anyway! But I did manage to pot one ball! Which is an achievement for me since I've never really played it properly in my life! Got home about 2:30, back of my feet really hurt where my heels rubbed which is odd because they've never done that too my feet before...so I've got two blisters there now which really hurt :( Stupid uncomfy female shoes! They look nice but don't feel nice, grr.
Ben has just told me that the little bastard who tried to masterbate to me via eyetoy, Ps3 videochat (which I soon put a stop to). Has attempted to have cybersex with a 13 year old girl! The little sicko is only 16! This is very worrying. He could turn out to be a pervert later in life, well he is one now but it could get so much worse. I have advized Ben to report him to someone because he obviously needs sex therapy. He told me himself that he has a lot of sex and at 16 that's worrying. I think he's addicted. He's been flirting with Jenivere who's 22. So it seems younger or older, he'll hump anything that's female. I am really worried. My sister is 14, if she got approached by some weirdo on the net I'd fucking castrate him with my bare hands. The funny thing is Nathan called me a liar, acted like I'd made the whole thing up. I never spoke to him after the incident though. I just told Ben exactly what he'd done and Ben had a massive go at him. Problem is, they're best friends, but I think this has been the last straw for Ben, he said he was at least going to have a talk with Nathan about things and if it comes to it, he may also report him. I hope he does. That kid really needs help, things can only get worse.

It gets quite worrying...

when you think you don't even like your own friends anymore. I mean, I do love them, to pieces but they annoy me so much! Jen pointed out the other day that guys are generally more fun to hang around with because all girls seem to do is talk about each other, it's so true! Whenever I go out with the minions (who are all guys except from Jen, which I would count as one of the guys!) I have way more fun with them than I do with my friends now! It's quite scary, because I don't seem to have as many laughs with them as I used to. Maybe it's because I used to only have one set/group of friends and now that I have another, I've actually found people who have things in common with me. And as Bex pointed out, none of us really have much in common at all, it's amazing we're friends, but I'm glad we are.
So ok, I'm contradicting myself a bit but it's a bit hard to explain what I mean. Any little thing my friends do wrong seems to piss me off. Alice for some reason does not seem to be in a good mood today. She should be, she saw AC/DC in concert last night with her brother (which she said was epic) but when I spoke to her on MSN about going out, she said she wasn't going because she was so tired. Which is fair enough, but I still let her know I was gutted because I want to see her, I haven't seen her in ages and she's always going out with her other friends and never inviting Me, Marn or Bex. But then she made some snide comment about how Marnie is going to get drunk before we even go out. Since I'm sharing drink with Marnie, I kinda took that to offence and said that it makes sense because it's so ridiculously expensive to drink when you go out. I also said "Coming from you!!!!!", in a tongue in cheek way of course. Because, Alice always gets drunk. Like me and Marn, she has little money but she always finds a way to spend some on booze. So she has some damn nerve to even say that! Especially as she used to be obsessed with drinking! Alice responded with a "Yes but you don't need to drink to have a good time, blah blah". Fucking LOL Alice, pot calls kettle black?! Since I'm positive when she's at reading she'll be drunk the ENTIRE time, just like last year. Seems so fucking pointless to me, if she believed in what she just said, she wouldn't buy booze for reading, because she can't afford it and thinks she doesn't need it. Fucking bollocks.
I'm sorry that I'm ranting I just really needed to get that off my chest.
Marn also kinda annoyed me last night, she rang around 9ish and asked me what I was doing, I said watching Hotel Babylon (Ok, sad, I watch too much TV I know but i don't care I enjoy it) and she said "Oh ok...I was gunna come round for half an hour but if you're busy..." Wait, what?! You were going to COME ROUND HERE?! So basically she'd just tried to invite herself round! Then, when she knew I was watching something she continued to tell me some story, THREE TIMES!!!!!!! Marnie. I'm seeing you tomorrow. Please tell me then unless it's absolutly vital you tell me now! Whenever she phones me she talks for ages and I get so bored. There's not many people I enjoy talking on the phone to, actually I think there's only one person that rings me that never annoys me and they know who they are! But that's probably because they can't do anything wrong in my eyes! I wish I could think like that for everyone. :/
Oh well, hopefully I'll make some better friends at Uni :( sigh.

Je ne regrette rein.

There's a friend on my facebook, she's really starting to annoy me. Every fucking day her status update is about how she's missing her boyfriend. 1, they see each other every other day anyway. 2, they don't live that far away from one another! Some people have to cope being apart a lot longer than that love! I have a friend who's boyfriend is on Isle of Wight! Now maybe I'm just being jealous but she really doesn't need to miss him that much. Sometimes it's good to be away from them for a while (which in her case is a day, or maybe a few hours), you need to miss people to appriciate them I find, hence why I value the minions so much I think!
I really have fallen in love with Resident evil 5, I don't see how people could have complained about it at all! Some said it was too simular for the 4th one, but since number 4 was so damn perfect, I don't see how that's a bad thing. I'm over half way through and the story is intriguing, can't wait for finish it, then play it through again with extra unlocked stuff!
I am a girl with little regret. What's the point in regretting things? Yes, I've made bad desisions, done silly things but getting upset or angry at my own stupidity isn't going to solve anything. Which is why I believe no one should have regrets, because if we did, we'd never move on from anything. And no how much pain I go through, it's so worth it, it always is. It's difficult to explain but I'm sure there are people out there who understnad exactly what I mean.
I'm so happy at the moment, I hope this lasts.
I'm going out clubbing tonight, I haven't got any booze to drink yet! Might ask Marnie to get me some or share some vodka or something. Can't afford to drink at nightclubs! I hope it's fun, I need to let my hair down for a bit I think (not that it's ever up!). I just hope I'm not approached by another weirdo asking me to dance or something. Because if someone else puts their hand round my waist, they're losing their hand!
Currently listening to: POD-Tenacious D
"He who is groovy, will be in my movie so come on!" :D

Do you remember the time Michael Jackson died?

Sad, sad times indeed last night when the news was spread just about everywhere, causing facebook and twitter to break, along with the O2 website. He was only 50, that's way too young to die, he was such a legend and okay, he was a bit weird, a bit odd, many nasty things have been said about him (none of which were proven)but you can't deny that the man made history. At least, he will always remember for his music and not for the controversy he caused.
Moving on, godamn my arm still hurts from that second cervical cancer jab. Funny that the nurse didn't ask me any questions this time, nor do they ever seem to warn you that within a few hours you won't be able to lift your arm up, at all. So it was a wee bit tricky showering this morning but I managed it somehow.
I lost my skull earring that goes in the top of my ear at Thorpe Park so I decided to try and get this damn hoop earring I've had for ages in. With help from my mum we got it in and I love it, it's a red shiny hoop it's so prettyful. So now I've gone to all that effort it's damn well staying in there!
I'm so happy though. You know when you have something very special? I feel just like that. I realised recently that I was being very silly and I needed worry about thing because I know they will work out.
Currently listening to: Evanescence-My Immortal
"Your face it haunts, my once pleasent dreams. Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me. These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there's just too much that time cannot erase. When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears. And I held your hand through all of these years..."
Man this song sends shivers down my spine, I love it.

Thorpe Paaaark!

Oh my God.
I had the most epic day yesterday, thorpe park with the minions! Yeahhhhhh!
I started off my day by getting the train at 8:24 to Guildford. I arrived at 9:15 and hoped in the car with Alex and off we went! I was so excited by then, couldn't wait. We got there around 10ish and met up with the rest of the minions who were by M's car which was parked near by. Hugs and photos followed before we eventually managed to drag ourselves to the enterance to queue to get into the park. It looked busy but it wasn't too bad and we always seemed to occupy ourselves whilst in the queues! Such as taking a photo of us saluting while on-lookers looked at us like weirdos! But we didn't care! The Minions were in Thorpe Park, and we were excited.

After we got in and Jen spent aaaaaaages applying suncream in the toilets (many a sexual innuendo took place down the phone as the boys were waiting for us, wondering why we were taking so long), eventually we got on some rides. Collosuss was broken the first time we tried to ride it, so we walked round to the horror that was SAW. I looked up at it and thought no fucking way am I riding that thing! It drops, literally, vertically downwards. No, no, no, no. The queue was huge, so we walked back the way we came and as we walked back past Collosuss, which was now fixed. So that was our first ride of the day instead and, somehow, we managed to convince Matt to ride (he doesn't like coasters too much). I think comparing it to a motorbike helped!
We went on lots and lots of rides, had lunch at pizzahut, played with JB's Sackboy (that could have come out somewhat wrong!) and at the end of it all, Me, Alex and Moo got very, very wet on Tidal Wave. The photo of us was so ace we decided to buy it, plus two keyrings. We all saluted on the way down! So it did look rather epic, will look awesome in my Uni room :)
All in all, it was an amazing day, I had missed everyone so much so it was so good to see them all and spend a whole day with them doing all sorts of crazy things. It's a shame Stew couldn't come, but there will always be a next time when he's feeling better. And if not...wheelychair FTW! Maybe...:)
Videos are on youtube, just search for rocket minions. The one of us on the rapids is especially funny! "Pretend you're falling off a waterfall!" "Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Hehehe =]
I have cheered up immensly, I love you guyz <3

Later that day...

A good talk, cry and trip to the beach can do wonders for the brain you know. I got to think about things this afternoon and I realsied worrying about people isn't going to solve their problems for them. If there's nothing I can do, that's fine, it's normal. The best thing I can do is them space and let them works themselves out, I don't need to interfere every five minutes, because that will help nobody. And I don't want people to worry about me, if tehy've already got enough on their plate I do not want to add to it.
I'm also so excited abut my holiday, it's 2 weeks today! It will be so good to get away from everything and everyone. Maybe it's the break that I need, hopefully I'll feel better about things when I return and learn to appriciate them more! I just can't wait to be running across a smooth, sandy beach and diving into a warm sea! It will be heaven, I hope! I think people also need a break from me, I'm probably not doing anyone any good at the moment and I feel really bad about it.
Am now looking foward to tomorrow more too, it's going to be so much fun, going to make a complete day of it and I can't wait to see everyone, I've missed them all so much! It will definatly cheers me up, I'm sure we'll have lots of laughs and maybe a few screams. On the rides....of course :D

...

It's funny, I foolishly thought once my exams were over, it would feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my sholders. But I don't feel like that at all. No surprise really when multiple things are stressing me out, not just exams.
But what can I do? I have no control, it's not up to me. I'm such a sucker, why do I always let my heart win? I always let someone else be in control. And yes, I complain and technically I could decide for myself and run away from it all but physically I can't. I'm in way over my head, in way too deep, I'm drowning and I don't even want to save myself. What's the point after all, nothing better would come from it.
It's differcult, empathising with people. You try to understand, try to see what their motives are but as soon as they go and do something stupid, all sypathy for them just disappears and you're just left with anger. So I don't know what to think anymore, I think I'll just stop thinking, it's hurting my head too much.
I'm sorry reader, I'm being so damn cryptic. I wish I had the guts to spill my guts, to say everything I've ever felt. But I can't. Because I'm an idiot. A stupid puppet, I let myself get strung up and messed around with. And I don't know what else to say. I just wish things weren't so complicated. They've been this way for too long and I don't know how much more I can take.
I spend most of my time worrying about other people, I know I shouldn't but I do and I feel so godamn useless when I can't help. If I could do something for you, anything, name it and I'd do it for you. But I bet you couldn't, because at the end of the day, people need to help themselves. Unfortunatly there's no magic spell to take away problems, you have to solve them and waiting doesn't make them go away either. So please, help yourself because I know I can't help you.

It's all over!

Had my last exam today. I hardly slept at all last night due to thinking about stuff, wishing things were different and, of course, worrying. When I got to college, I found out I was in a different room for my exma than my friend Bex because I'm an the end of the alphabet and there were so many English students they had to split us into two rooms. I wasn't sure where the classroom was but I followed Bex's friend Sam and we rushed around college, panicing slightly, but found it pretty quickly. We were waiting outside this the others for ages, the whole time I was getting more and more worked up. I felt sick with nerves and my heart was pounding. I'd wish they'd just hurry up and let us in the damn room because I knew once I was in the room and had the question infront of me, I'd be fine. I always calm down straight away because I just focus and get on with it, no point fretting unless you think you can't do the question of course. The exam was meant to start at 9. We weren't let into the room until 10 past, so by the time we started the exam it was 9:15. Typical. I mean, God help a student if they're late but invigilators? They're allowed to be as late as the like! Grr.
Anyway, the first question is an old text you have to modernise for a particular audience. You get a choice of two questions but I knew which one I wanted to do before easily. The first one was a piece of text by Sir Walter Raleigh (sp?) to his son, giving advice on choosing a wife. It was quite funny actually, he kept going on about getting tricked by beauty! Sounded more like a warning! The other text was something to do with agriculture...boring! So I did the first one. I'm not sure I did too well, in either the re-write or the commentary which is meant to explain why you used the features you did and what you changed and why. Mind you, when I've done practise ones in class and thought I'd done terribly, I've ended up getting B's! So fingers crossed.
The second part of the exam is to do a topic essay. You get a choice of 4 questions, I was hoping spelling would come up because I knew a lot about the topic and had been revising it alot. It had come up 5 times before since they set this exam and it came up again this year! I was so pleased! So I think I did really well on that section, I made the essay quite interesting too, because apparently the examiners like something a bit quirky and different because they read through so many straight, boring essays. So hopefully mine will entertain them! I hope!
So now I'm feeling a lot less stressed, it's one massive problem out of the way, though I will be bricking it on results day! I don't think I've failed though, I'm feeling pretty positive. I'm hoping to get 3 B's. I'll just have to wait until August now...
Currently listening to: James Morrison-Wonderful World
"Well I thought that I was doing well but I just wanna cry now...who am I to dream? Dreams are for fools they let you down."

Happy Fathers Day

Not. I don't care if it is fathers day, he's annoying the hell out of me. Been playing Burnout and he was complaining that the music was doing his head in, he wasn't even in the room 90% of the time and I didn't have it on loud! I wish he'd just leave me alone. I know it's petty, me getting annoyed over things like that but exams are stressing me out and no one seems to fucking appriciate that in this house! No one seems to notice the sacrifices I've made so I can study i.e. not going out at all! And dad just makes snid comments about how I have too much time on my hands, yeah duckhead I've been spending it working, or at least trying to but I've hit a wall with revision now. Tomorrow will be the ultimate decider on whether I go to Kingston or not and I really hope I get the grades because I do not want to stay here with my parents any longer! So as I'm feeling rather unwanted, I'm sat in my room for a change, away from everyone I'm apparently annoying. Fine. Fuck you. Hope he enjoys his present when it actually arrives because me and my sister spent a lot of money that I don't have. God knows why I even bother sometimes.
Now I can't wait for tomorrow, I can't wait to get things over and done with. Not like I'll be able to do anything on monday to celebrate though. I guess I'll just have to wait till wednesday. Can't wait, I'll actually get to enjoy myself and not have to worry about shit. Apart from the fact I need holiday money and I haven't really got any money. Going to have to take it out of my savings account. I don't like taking money out of there, it feels wrong but I guess it's there for a reason. Not sure how many euros to take with me on holiday. I'm usually don't buy many "things" while i'm on holiday, they'll all be tacky in Tenerife anyway, but I'm going to be eating out everyday as it's self-catering and then there's booze money to take into account. Plus, I can't take my bank card out there just in case because they charge you for withdrawing money, grr. So I'll probably end up taking too many euros and you lose so much money when you covert them back :(. I hate money...

Buuuurn

Burnout was great fun! Got to play with some of the OPM boys for a bit, most had headsets so it was rather funny. Though there were some annoying kids on there. One kid kept moaning about how he had a shit car and it wasn't his fault he was rubbish. He was swearing away down his headset. Me and Stew thought it was hilarious! He was such a dick! OPM must have gotten pretty fed up with the kids. Unfortunatly JB got kicked from the game or something, due to dodgy nets I suppose, so he couldn't get back into the game! So most of the time it was just me and Stew but after a while we felt rather bad about leaving JB out so we decided to join him and Allen in doing a few challenges before I had to go out. That's one downside about Burnout, only 8 players online together at once! I'm sure they could cope with more! 8 is not enough if you wanna have a massive Burnout party.
Russell Howard is on the TV in the background and he just made a good point, people can tickle you but how come you can't tickle yourself?! That is a very good point. Why? It doesn't make sense! I am very ticklish as most people know, though my feet aren't ticklish for some reason...anyway if I ran my fingers up the side of my body. It wouldn't tickle me, if someone else does? Very much so. How come? It's like when someone touches you and it feels really nice, you can't duplicate that yourself (and I don't just mean in a sexual way!). If it did, I suppose we could hug ourselves better which would be useful but at the same time it means other people would become rather obsolete. Maybe it's a a psychological thing or something that's in built so that we NEED other human beings. Hmm...interesting thought, but I digress...
I did indeed go out this evening and it was good fun! Surprise, surprise! Marnie and Jo got on okay (thank God) and I met one of Kirsty's friends and his girlfriend. We'd been told by Kirtsy beforehand that she recently found out she was pregnant but we weren't to mention it, just in case. I mean, why would we? But it turns out she mentioned it herself anyway, she was very open about it. I think she wants to have an abortion but later on this evening she asked me to accompany her to the toilet. So I did and waited outside for her and she said she was worried she'd had a mis-carriage because she'd been bleeding on and off recently. She said the doctor said you can still have a period during pregnancy but she felt it was too irregular to be a period. She seemed quite worried and she said Keiren (her boyfriend, who was also a very nice guy!), was not taking much interest. Which seemed a bit mean of him! This is her health we are talking about! I said to her well what can you expect from a bloke but I did wonder why she didn't want a mis-carriage is she didn't want it anyway. But she said well this is my first baby so I am rather worried. I suppose it can damage you, both emotionally and physically. I felt really sorry for her. She was such a lovely girl, same age as me (she even has her birthday in November too!) and she really didn't deserve to be going through all of this. It was probably an accident after all, the condom broke or whatever, things like this happen and that's what people forget. Teenage girls get pigeon-holed into "they must be stupid slags because they're pregnant so young". Which simply is not true and it does annoy me that other people look down upon them. They only look down on them because they're frigid and aren't getting any...well...probably! I hope things turn out for her okay, she said she was going to the doctor on monday. But I probably won't ever see her again! So I may never know...

Boo

No matter how positive I try and stay, I can't be like that the whole time. Sometimes I just have days where suddenly I realise how shit everything is. I really do feel like a bird trapped in a iron cage and I have no idea why. I guess I'm just trapped in by certain things and there's no way I could possibly escape from them. I'm no longer in control, everything is out of my hands. It's up to other people to now decide what happens to me, so all I can do is wait and hope and pray. Hopefully it will be okay but I don't know what I'm going to do if it isn't. And I try, I really do try not to wallow in my misery, because I know there are people who are having a shitter time than me but sometimes people can't help but be selfish. And since I spend so much time worrying about other people, I don't see any reason why I'm not allowed to be selfish. Moving swiftly on...

I'm going out tonight at 6 for Kirsty's birthday. I'm meeting up with Amy, Jo and Marnie before we go to Kirsty's house. Should be laugh and I haven't seen people for so long! But I don't wanna stay for too long...I don't even think I'm going to drink. People are bringing booze to her house but I can't be fagged. I may have a drink or two at the pub. Nothing more. I really have got to revise tomorrow. The problem is, I'm running out of ways to revise! All I seem to do is read through my notes, I'm not sure if it's even sticking but I kinda feel like I know what I need to know already. I mean, if you don't know it by now, you're kinda screwed. Revision is just trying to remember things. Not sure what tonight's going to be like. Not really looking foward to it, but at least I know my friends are going now! And I need to stop being a sad, lonely loser and go out and have fun, or at least try.
One exciting thing is that me and JB, possibly Stew are going to play Burnout with some of team OPM this afternoon at 4! They announced they would be on the new Big Surf Island area on Twitter. I didn't have the BSI pack but thanks to a very generous JB, he let me gameshare and download it off his account! I am spoilt. But very grateful! It's taking ages to download but should be done by 4pm I hope! Can't wait, is gunna be fun :)
See I look foward to gaming more than going out. I think that's rather worrying....

1 more to go...

Just as a problem is fixed, another occurs. Typical eh? That's life I guess. I'm really gutted Stew can't come to thorpe park, though Alex made a good point last night, he'll feel just like he did when he missed out on the last 2 days of M's. Which I guess makes the point that sometimes, not all of us are going to be able to make it. I wonder, for example, how many people will be able to attend Jen's camping plan. A few of us at least I hope! Could be fun.
Well I've just come home from college from writing 11 pages of film studies essays! I filled 11 pages out of the 12 that were avaliable! No wonder my hand hurts! I managed somehow to finish will 5 minutes to spare so I got to leave a little earlier. Not that it matters, I couldn't care less to be honest. 2 hours is 2 hours. Went nice and quickly though. A couple of the questions were quite tricky but I'm sure I did fine. The censorship question couldn't have been easier, it was bascially: "Regulate don't censor" discuss this statement. Easy as pie! A very open question and discussing censorship is always an interesting debate. Well I think so anyway, does that make me sad? Or just a geek? In fact I even enjoyed writing about Hitchcock in the authorship question...damnit I am a geek. Oh well.
My sister made me one of those friendship bracelets this morning as a good luck charm, which reminded me to wear my RM dogtags! I think they definatly were good luck, I wasn't even nervous before the exam. Mind you, last night I couldn't sleep a wink! Well that's a lie but I found it very hard to get to sleep and I don't know why. I wasn't worried about the exam because I wasn't even thinking about it. I went to bed before 11 so maybe I wasn't tired enough or something. It was annoying though because when I eventually got to sleep after much tossing and turning, I was woken up again by a text from Jen! D'oh! It wasn't her fault, I had my phone on loud and she wasn't to know I would be in bed early. But after that text woke me up, I couldn't get back to sleep again for a fair while! Epic. Fail. So I was yawning alot this morning but luckily I was awake enough to concintrate on the exam.
So now I'm sat at home, giving myself a day off from revision, which is probably not wise but fuck it to be quite honest. And I'm listening to vidzone (as usual I know!!!). Just found out they have a Finnish singer I rather like on there! I am loving vidzone! Though they are missing alot of the classics e.g. Madonna, AC/DC, Robbie William, Blue, etc. Not sure why I called those the classics, they vary hugely :S haha. God I'm tired, sleep nao plz? Nope? Ok then fine I'll do the vacuuming...
Currently listening to: Just a girl- No doubt
"Oh I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite. So don't let me have any rights. Ohhh I've had it up to here!"

W00t

Minx + Beer = very happy and loving person = the solution to many problems! And who ever said alcohol never solved anything?! I beg to differ! Either that, or I'm just amazing, either way everything is gunna b k now. And that's the main thing.
Jen won't have internet for a while now because she's moving with her dad and it's turning out to be a bit of a disaster. Hopefully things will settle down soon and I'll get to see her at Thorpe Park anyways (6 days!) so yay!
Today has been rather disapointing, I still have a smile on my face though! Was hoping for an excellent store update but no, let down by Sony! The update happened really early today but that's because there was bugger all on the store! Mind you, Home update was fairly interesting and vidzone only just updated. Though it's difficult to see what artists they've added...if any!
Got my film exam tomorrow morning, really not looking foward to it but at least it's only one exam to go after that one. Hardest exam saved for last...great! Extremly scared face. Wish I could fast forward time so it was all over already!
I have a birthday party to go to on saturday to a pub that is (literally) round the corner from my house. Not really looking foward to it because I'm not that close to Kirsty as I used to be. Plus I thought my old best friend, Yaz would be coming, turns out she's not so I won't get to see her or hang around with her the whole evening! Marnie is going, I'll probably go with her but apparently she has another party to go to so she won't be staying too long. I don't wanna be there all by myself all evening, will be awkward. So I've decided I'll stay for an hour or two, then go home. I can't get too drunk or stay too late because I'll need to revise Sunday for my English exam! Just hope enough people turn up to her party, I know she hasn't got that many friends...:/

Boooring

Even though I am kinda stressed about several things, but one thing in particular I am still so happy. Thank goodness, it's currently my only motivation, for anything. What did I do to deserve you? You're such a great friend and you make me so happy.
Only a week until I see the minions, cannot wait!
Haven't done much today, read through some film studies notes, trying to remember anything. Would like to go out tomorrow, I really would but I can't. It's the day before my exam and I really need to crack down and make sure I know the topics inside out. At least I know what topics are coming up. It's a 2 hour exam, the first question is on Documentary film and we're supposed to spend 50 minutes on it. The second question is about censorship and regulation, 35 minutes. And finally the last question we answer with the view to Auteurship or genre study, 35 minutes. So as long as I have enough case studies and examples, I should be fine.
So, unfortunatly nothing much to write about today. My blogs are getting shorter and shorter as fuck all is happening at the moment in my life. Really can't wait till these exams are over, I want my life back.
One thing that bothers me though, is that I seem to be no good at telling people how I feel. I just really seem to suck at it. I don't know why, I just sometimes find it hard to express myself. Gah, I'm just useless sometimes. I hope people know how much I appriciate them.

<3

Isn't it a great feeling when you make someone happy? I know this is going to sound odd but it's like finding your purpose in life, that's all you want to do, please people. Well, that's how I've always felt, like when I was a kid, I always wanted to do well in exams for my parents, not for me. I guess I didn't get why they were important, I just wanted them to be proud of me. But now since I've grown up and got some sense (maybe) I seem to want to make other people happy, solve their problems even though most of the time I can't. It can get very heartbreaking at times, maybe I should be a social worker! Nah, I'm sure that job would kill me, I get too upset by those kind of things...
As soon as I'm happy for 10 minutes, it's crushed in 5 by something else I can't solve or something else getting in my way. It's becoming very annoying but I can handle it I'm sure. I have for all this time so why bail now? I really hope things become less complicated soon. Things are getting more intense and I know I won't be able to give it up. Ever. Kinda like a drug. But even though at times it's so so hard, I wouldn't change anything for the world. I'm also glad I can be the one to listen to other people and their problems, that I can be trusted and that people can depend upon me. I like that, even if it does upset me or stress me out sometimes. Because, I just want to help.
Am I going completly insane? :/

ffs.

I thought sleep and lots of it, was meant to be good for you. I went to bed last night no later than 12:30 and slept until about 9:15. That's about 9 hours sleep, the recommended amount, maybe over the amount I'm meant to have I'm not sure. Then why is it I feel so godamn tired?! My eyes actually ache and I look tired, at least I think so anyway. Am I just destined to be tired all my life?! Is it an on-going thing I'm just going to have to put up with? Or is it all the sitting around, not doing much that is slowly killing me mentally? But then again I have been out today, I walked to college and back, which is something at least. I don't like sitting around on my arse all day reading through my notes and trying desperatly to memorise them off by heart, occasionally checking twitter or facebook when I can no longer take it anymore, but it unfortunatly has to be done.
So yes I went into college this morning for a 2 hour film studies revision session. Our class is not very big. There are 10 of us, at most. 3 of us are girls but only me and Katie turned up today. So we got left alone (Pauline was not here for the first hour) with a load of boys. Which isn't so bad, but a couple of them are very stupid. One of them, Steve, thought it would be funny to draw a giant cock, leave it in her file cabinat then write on the board: LOOK IN THE FILE, 3RD DRAW DOWN! How original. They've done it before so when Pauline came in she knew what she was going to find in the draw. Rolling her eyes she said to Steve "Well it's not a life-drawing is it!" Hehe, gutted Steve. Pauline is a great teacher, she doesn't take any crap from no one. I don't always agree with her, but she's been a decent teacher these past 2 years.
That's actually quite scary to think...I've been at college now for 2 years! It's gone by so fast yet it seems like school was years and years ago. I guess it's because I feel like I've done a lot of growing up, especially last year, I suddenly got my confidence back. Last year was a good year, I didn't think it could be beaten but this year is shaping up to beat 2008, as long as I get into Uni I suppose!
Meant to be playing some MGO this evening, there's a new map, seems like both me and Stew guessed correctly at what the surprise would be! Okay, so there wasn't any cake but I was half right! I said a new map! And Stew said Shadow Mosses, so there you go, teamwork ftw! I just hope my dad lets me because his bloody keyboard is taking up all the room! Grr. Oh well, should be fine, I hope.

Pondering...

As I'm sat here rather bored I got thinking...why is it we like the things we like?
Why do we like certain types of music, films, books, people? How are our opinions formed? To a certain extent, the way in which we are brought up, the friends we have and the media can all effect us. But some people for example, have racist parents but are not racist themselves. Proving that we have the ability to form our own opinions some how. It just intrigues me into why people do like different things and do have different tastes. Comedy is a good example, we all find different things funny but there seems to be no logical reason why. It's a good thing though, if we all agreed with each other the world would be boring.
Another thing I was reading the other day is there's a theory in America that animals, like humans (or at least most of them!), have morals. Sounds strange I know but the example they used was an elephant was seen using its trunk to unlock a catch that was holding a heard of antalope captive! Now there's no logical reason to explain why an elephant would do that. It would be a different matter if it was rescueing it's own young, or even another elephant. Meaning the elephant obviously cared, maybe even felt sympathy! It sounds ridiculous but if us humans have morals and reasoning then why can't animals? I think animals are a lot more complex then we even realise. We are too quick to say that Us, dolphins and monkeys are the most intelligent species. I still find it amusing that dolphins, like us, have sex for pleasure!
I do realise this is probably the most random blog i've ever written but I like to think about these things. I love having discussions about things, anything, as long as it's interesting. So there you go, something to consider eh? :)

Keep you in the dark, you know they all pretend.

My alarm awoke me at 7 this morning. I laid there in bed, my eyes praying for me to go back to sleep. So I just laid there thinking, should I bother to go in for revision or not? I considered the for and against arguements and came to conclusion that I was far too tired and I needed more sleep. Plus there was nothing we'd do in college that I couldn't do by myself at home. So I went back to sleep for another 3 hours. Proving that I was indeed way too tired to get up at 7.
For the best part of this day I've been writing out revision notes for English and sorting out all my notes that I need to read/revise. Shame that it's such a sunny day and yet again I've spent it indoors, alone, with only Vidzone to keep me company but such is life I suppose.
I've fallen a bit in love with Foo Fighters at the moment, gotta love "All my life" just for the hidden meaning! "Don't let it go to waste, I love it but I hate the taste, weight bringing me down." Oh so dirty! "Open up wide, let me inside" it gets worse as the song goes on hehe.
I'm so bored, life is so boring at the moment. Really cannot wait until next week.
Currently listening to: Foo Fighters- The pretender
"What if I say I'm not like the others? What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays? You're the pretender. What if I say I'll never surrender?"

D'oh

Instead of wallowing in misery about a day I couldn't have mainly because of money and parents, I instead tried to enjoy the day I was forced to have. After my sister and dad came back from the carboot sale (they have brought me back a very cute soft-toy Toad from the Mario series) we set off with my nan and grandad to Bournemouth. It was then I realised we weren't going there for "pleasure" as it were, we were going because dad wanted to look at a new organ, because his has broken. Of course, we were leaving dad and my grandparents at a hotel to look at this organ (me, my mum and sister that is) to look round the shops.
It was a beautiful day and I did have the temptation to sunddenly take off my clothes and run into the sea because the beach looked sooooo nice! Lovely sand, something we unfortunatly don't have in Portsmouth. But alas, I didn't have my bikini. Sadface indeed. There wasn't any interesting shops so I didn't buy anything. I did however have an ice-cream which made me happy, because, I'm easy to pleasey. So we walked all the way back to the hotel after two hours had passed (time had gone very fast), this involved walking up a very steep hill. God I'm so unfit. Oh well, has long as I'm not over-weight, I don't care!
When we finally found the hotel, dad was STILL looking at this damn organ. So we sat around waiting for a while whilst this crazy old man was showing this organ to him. Then as I was sitting there, these random stomach pains kicked in, was really weird. I don't know what it was, it just felt like my stomach was stabbing me from the inside randomly! Was not nice and I was just wishing we'd go home because I'd suddenly become very hungry.
Eventually we got going, but would you believe it, there's was loads of traffic slowing us down. Great. I felt really ill and it was going to take even longer to get home. So I went to sleep for a while, when I woke up we were in a traffic jam. By this time I had began to feel kinda sick. I guess this was because I was so hungry. I knew I'd be okay but it was not nice to be feeling like this! But once we got home and had some pizza hut, I felt a lot better, thank God!
Ended the evening watching Tropic Thunder, wishing I was somewhere else and that I'd done something different with my day. Oh well. Hopefully when all these exams are over I will actually get my social life back! :(

Taking a break

Okay so I have decided this weekend is a break from revision since I've just done two exams. Lazy I know but I really don't have the energy at the moment. I did attempt to do some English notes earlier but that didn't last long. So I have spent the day watching vidzone on the PS3 basically. I love it. Who needs a music channel now?!
I'm very tired and would like a hug. Feel like I've been isolated from everyone recently. It's like I'm in a cage and the bars are revision and exams. Still, it will be all over soon and then I can go to Thorpe Park with my best friends. Then I will be a happy bunny...or Minx.
Got my "Hermione" jumper in the post today from ebay. I love it, it's great! I can wear it as everyday wear too as it's a very flattering shape! My costume is coming together nicely, now if I could only find that old school tie...I've lost it. Damnit. Might have to buy one but I don't really want to because it's more money isn't it. Hmph. I'll find a way around it I'm sure.
When my dad came home with the food shopping, he'd brought ESB. I looove ESB. It's a very strong beer and it's yummy. Dad said "It's too strong for girls, you can't have any!" Bollocks it is. I can out drink some men you know! He said I can have half a bottle. Will have to do I suppose.
Tomorrow we are apparently going to Bournemouth for shopping and such. 'Spose I will go, have nothing else to do and I haven't been shopping for an age. Plus staying cooped up in this house isn't doing me any good.
MGO pics have been posted by JB, they are very funny (see above picture!), Stew is still working on the video editing.
Currently listening to: Evanescene- My last breath.
"Holding my last breath, safe inside myself, are all my thoughts of you. Sweet raptured light, it ends here tonight..."
God I love Amy Lee, I'm extremly jealous of her talent and looks. Grr.

1st English exam-done!

First thing this morning I had my English exam, the easiest of the two. I was quietly confident, I thought I knew enough to do well and I think I did do well! There were two questions to choose from, as soon as I read the first one I knew I was going to do the second question! The first question was about accent so I knew it would be too differcult to do! Plus, I think one of the texts you had to analyse was a Shakesperian text, I wouldn't have even been able to make sense of that! So the second question was about storms and how they are described in each of the texts. It was quite easy because two of them were late modern English! (which is the type of English we use today) so there was little or no translation to be done! Sweet! I could have written so much more than I did! Was so much to write about but the examiners don't expect you to write about everything, because that would be impossible. The examiners are also positive markers, so if you make a mistake, you won't get marked down for it. Which makes a bloody change! I really hope it went well, I feel it did. It's now 1 week exactly until my Film studies exam, which should be easy. I hope the Film studies revision sessions are still running. Pauline may be *a little* pissed off with me because I haven't gone to any so far because I had to consintrate on sociology and english! I hope she understands...
So, only two more exams to go. In under two weeks this will all be over and I'll be free! For two months...boo.
When I got home from college I hopped straight onto the PS3 and decided to properly check out Vidzone and it's brillaint! I've made a huge playlist of great videos and I'm actually surprised how good the quality is! I can't believe we've got such a good app for free! God I heart you Sony. After lunch I had to go to the doctors. Now I got very confused while I was there. I was sat with only 3 other people in the waiting room. One was an old lady, the other was a woman who didn't seem to be all there if you get what I mean, she just seemed...odd. Anyway, only one doctor was in and the old lady got up to go see the doctor even though the little buzzer hadn't gone off. So I guessed it wasn't working or something. So when the old lady left, I got up and went upstairs because I didn't want to seem like an idiot waiting for a buzzer that wasn't going to buzz. A man entered the waiting room as I left and I went upstairs. But then I got freaked out about walking into her room because what if someone else was already in there and I was interuppting? Then I heard the crazy lady say EXTREMLY LOUDLY to the man downstairs "I thought you were supposed to wait for the sound not just walk upstairs!" etc. Getting really lairy. Lady, you do realise I CAN HEAR YOU! Could she not understand that I had got confused?! Stupid woman. So I sat on the chairs upstairs and soon enough the buzzer went off and I went into the doctors room...sheesh.
Anyway, for the rest of the day I basically played games. I got on the MGO store to buy a camoflage bikini! It is awesome! Later on, most of the minions got together to play naked minions mgo! It was fantastic fun, in the end we had 6 minions playing! I think I charmed everyone to death! John got out his guns too, hawt. JB took some pics and Jen and Stew took video, Stew took loads of video which he's making into a couple of mawtages. Can't wait to see them! I laughed a lot. Good times.
In other news it sounds like I'm going to Game on! In london this November with JB thanks to Alex! Not sure who else is coming, it doesn't seem like that many people are interested but me Alex and JB are uber excited. It will be 5/6 days before my 19th birthday, what a great birthday present! Never been to a games show before, I hope to go to a games conferance or something one day...Tokyo would be amazing but I'd be happy to go anywhere! So many things I want to do in such a short lifetime with such little money. Oh dear.
So all in all, a great day. I am in such a good mood now. Hope it lasts! :D

No more Sociology!

Hurray! Had my Sociology exam today, was really freaking out about it. It's odd I get nervous, in my head but I don't feel nervous, if that makes any sense at all. Thought getting into college early and revising would be really good for me but I managed to get next to no revision done! I really couldn't concentrate and no that wasn't down to texting Alex in the morning (he started it!), it was just down to the fact I was worrying too much so everything I was reading just wouldn't go in. Then at about 10am I got a splitting headache and I don't know why, I had been drinking plenty and I continued to drink plenty but that wasn't helping. It didn't go away all day, I didn't have any painkillers, nor did anyone else so I just had to try and forget it and sit in pain all day. I got some lovely texts from some of the minions wishing me luck and Alex rang me half an hour before the exam which was nice and kinda made me a bit more relaxed. M's text especially made both me and Bex laugh: "Good luck :-) Minx FTW!!" Hehe.
Everyone seemed to be predicting a gender and feminism question would come up and they were right! Originally I wanted gender to come up because I know SO much about it but I realised, while revising I knew no feminists! At least, not in any massive detail. Luckily the second question was about Marxist and class structure which is a really broad subject. I just hope I stuck to the question enough. The exam was an hour and a half but that flew by and I manged to not rush it and finish every question as best I could. All I can do now is cross my fingers and pray. Half way through the exam I began to feel sick. I don't think it was down to nerves, it might have been because of the headache but I'm not sure. I was just worried it was going to get worse, which of course made me feel worse but luckily it didn't develop into anything worse.
It was pouring down when we got out of the exam and I hadn't brought a jumper, luckily I was getting a lift from Bex so I didn't get wet or pass out on the common on the way home! When I got home I still felt boody aweful. Still felt sick and my head felt like it was literally being split in two. I don't know what the hell was wrong with me! I took some painkillers, they took ages to kick in but eventually, thank God, they did. So only now has the happiness of no more Sociology (as long as I don't fail of course!) ever again has finally kicked in! I'm so glad it's the *easy* English exam tomorrow. By easy I mean it's easy in comparison to the other English exam we have to do. Tomorrow, we have an hour and a half to analyse and compare 3/4 texts from different periods in time (could be as early as early modern english!) but they will all share a common subject. My teacher thinks I'll be fine because I did well in my coursework and the techniques you have to use are simular in the exam so hopefully it should be too difficult! Fingers crossed eh?

Dreading the end of this week...

Sociology exam this afternoon, English exam friday morning. Eugh. I'm fairly confident I'll be okay but I need to do better than just okay! Oh well, it can't be avoided, I just hope I've done enough. Well, I'm getting up early tomorrow to revise all morning with Bex/my teacher until 1:30pm, then it will be exam time. Hurray. Oh well, should come back to a good PSN store update I hope! Ghostbusters demo please!
Went to see Corraline with my sister and her friend while my mum and dad went to see Terminator 4. Corraline was brilliant, bloody scary though! I thought it looked quite creepy but it gets worse in the actual film! Fantastic though, I love stop-motion animation. Such work and dedication goes into it and it just looks so smooth and it gives the film a unique look. It's why I love films like The nightmare before christmas, the corpse bride and wallace and gromit!
Just had a brilliant game of COD4 with Iain, John, Jenivere, Stew and Chris. I absolutly pwned them all in the first round! They loved it. Got a bit laggy and Jen's game modes weren't perhaps the best choices but we all fucked around and had a laugh and Stew recorded some of the matches so I shall watch that tomorrow when it's *hopefully* on youtube! Good times.
Hmm 11pm, I should go to bed, gotta be up at 7...really not looking foward to tomorrow, or the next day...oh well, after tomorrow no more sociology ever! Yes!!! No more godamn studies or statistics to remember (did you know, women earn 18.8% less than males per hour! :O). Anyway, shall quickly check facebook and then go to bed and try and sleep. Goodnight!

Stupid Mistake...

I went to bed rather late last night, it was about quarter to 3. I stayed up late because Stewie has finally got his internet back (although it is very slow) and we were catching up on some good times! So it was worth it! I did however make the foolish mistake of having a mars bar at 2am...well I was hungry and I fancied something sweet and sugary! But basically I went to bed and woke up (apparently) 15 minutes later to throw up the mars bar...not nice!!! I say apparently because I didn't check the time. I just brushed my teeth and went back to bed but my mum says it was 3am when she heard me throwing up, meaning I'd only slept for 15 minutes at the most! It felt like I'd been sleeping for at least an hour. You really do have no sense of time when you sleep, eh. But yes it must have been the Mars bar that set me off though I've had a dodgy stomach all week for some reason. It's not as if I've eaten anything dodgy or out of the ordinary. Stupid stomach.
Had a bit of a scare with my PS3 yesterday! I fancied playing some more Uncharted 2 so I turned on the PS3, turned on the controller (as you do) but it wasn't syncing. I thought that was rather odd so I plugged the controller into the USB. It still wouldn't sync. So I tried another controller, which synced but it was on controller 2 and I couldn't change it because I hadn't even been able to log in yet. So I turned off the PS and turned it back on again. It came up with the message- You're hard disc needs to be restored. Press ok to restore now. I thought, oh shit I'm going to lose everything! Luckily I'd backed up my saves a few weeks ago but it was still going to be a massive inconvience to lose it all. But I patiently waited for it to do it's thing, it didn't take too long but everything was fine! Hadn't lost my saves or anything so that was a massive relief. I tweeted about it and Iain and John informed me it's happened to them or others before and everything has been fine. I'm just glad it's nothing to worry about!
Been replaying Tomb Raider Underworld since it now has trophies, trying to find every single bit of treasure. I had actually forgotten how fun it is! It is a brilliant game. Yes the combat lets it down big time but the puzzles and climbing are so much fun and it's a good storyline if you're a fan of the series, such as myself. I would love to get the platinum for this. Not sure I can but I'll give it a shot! Not sure if I'll have the time to commit to it though. Not only exams and stuff but other games that demand my attention. Eugh. I just want to lock myself in a room for a week and just do nothing but play games pleeeeeease. Kthnxbai.

Well I feel a bit of a n00b!

I walked into college this morning, thinking it's aweful quiet, not many people walking to college, maybe it's because I'm early. But no. I walked into English and my teacher was surprised to see me: "you do know it's an inset day...I'm not even going to be here". D'oh!!! To be fair though, she did say to come in next week -_-, I swear she did! Also because I don't officially attend college anymore I don't know what's going on do I! Sheesh! But anyway it wasn't a complete waste of time because I got to talk to her about the exam and stuff so it was okay. Plus it gets me out of the house!
Mum dropped in C.V for Game this morning so I'm crossing my fingers!
While sitting at the laptop this morning I noticed Luke signing into MSN, he's a guy I used to fancy at school, nothing unusual about that I know but I noticed his screename was "The cake is a lie". He's a Portal fan! This shocked me. So I started talking to him about Portal and I impressed him with the fact I have a "The cake is a lie" t-shirt which he thought was brilliant. Yes Luke, you missed out on a good fish here :)
It's my sisters birthday today! She's 14 today and I got her a cute necklace with Tare Panda on (see above picture if you're wondering wtf is tare panda). I do believe Tare Panda means lazy panda in Japanese. He does look rather lazy, but cute. She loves her necklace, I knew she would. I got it from my favourite online jewellary shop Ji ji kiki, they do great gifty things! Love it.
It's very sad news to hear 2 seats in Brussells have go to the BNP! It's been the main topic of todays tweets on twitter and I was so angry when I found out on the news this morning. Those racist bastards do not represent Britain in any way. Whoever voted for them will be hunted down by me personally. Me with an RPG. Yeah...watch out Nick Griffin!!!

Later that day...

We eventually went down the Gunwharf to meet Sooty and Kelvin (my mum and dads friends) to go to Nandos. It was yummy as usual but Sue and Kelv left soon afterwards to see the new Terminator film which I'm not personally bothered about. If it hasn't got Arnie in, it's not terminator to me. Plus it's a great brand which has now been whored out so many times it's become tacky. I liked T3 but we all know the classic films are the best. Actually, the 2nd film is the best out of all of them I think. Anyway, the parents are going to see Terminator on wednesday while me and Sami are off to see Coraline which I think will be much more enjoyable!
We went home after dinner and Sami's friend came round as they wanted to go to the fair for my sisters birthday. I decided to stay here at home because I'd much rather be playing MGO than having a drink with my parents are the rubbishy fair. And MGO was great fun! Loved it. JB turned up late though and Alex didn't turn up at all for some reason! I hope everything is okay, I usually here from him but I haven't at all today...odd.
Anywho I'm now sitting here watching Bill Bailey's Tinselworm tour, he's brillaint as usual I do love him! "Hey, ASDA. I ain't gunna be your bitch!" Love it.

Reflecting on Life

If my life was a song, right now it'd be: "Under pressure". Great song but the connotations are rather depressing. I don't just feel under pressure to do well in my exams, I've got to balance so many things, I have to look after myself and my own problems as well as deal with other peoples and sometimes it gets a little too much. I know a lot of people are probably going through something simular right now and I'm very lucky to have people that will stick by me and help me but sometimes you can't help but feel a little down about these things.
My sociology teacher actually made a very good point the other day. We don't have control over much in our lives, the only thing we truelly have control over is suicide. Which is kinda sad but true I think! Of course, we can all make decisions that effect our lives but we can't predict (and therefore change) the outcome. Although I have to say "je ne regrette rien". I don't think there's much in my life that I actually regret doing, when I've made the wrong decision, which is good! Maybe I have good judgement or maybe I'm just kidding myself to stop myself from feeling bad I don't really know. Either way, it doesn't matter. Life is good, if a little stressful but isn't everyones? Everyone has their own problems (I should know as people seem to constantly tell theirs to me!) but sometimes it is good to stop and reflect on what is making you happy or unhappy. It helps you decide what to do about it, how to move on, how to come over the problem. If we ignore our unhappiness and continue life as normal, we're ignoring the problems and they're only going to get worse. Proof that sadness is sometimes the solution! Every emotion is important and has a reason I think :)

Lazy Saturday

I got up later than expected today though I was very tired last night so it didn't really surprise me. But I expected to be forced awake by my mum telling me to get up but I wasn't. This is because it turned out my mum didn't want to go to town today because she felt ill. Her illness has come back for the first time in 2 years. She has some sort of inflammatory Bowel disease and it's been waking her up at 5am so she's always up when I come downstairs in the morning. Which is a massive contrast to having breakfast in bed everyday like she used to! So she said to me she'd drop in my C.V to Game on Monday before she's goes to work. I would have prefered to have handed it in myself but oh well, doesn't matter. I doubt I'll get the job anyway but my parents seem to think my C.V is okay.
After a few phone conversations with Alex about various games and such my mum helped me revise by reading out the names of studies to see if I could remember them and I did remember most of them thank God. But there are some I need to work on too...
My sister and mum basically spent the day making various cakes for my sisters birthday which is on Monday. They have apparently made a bear cake, I haven't seen it yet but I'm sure it will taste good! Shame we've gotta wait until we can eat it.
Me and dad then finished off watching all of the e3 trailers after lunch. I have decided I really want the new Tekken, Heavy Rain, The Agency, MAG and fat princess...hmm money is going to go down the drain hehe. I then played some more Trash Panic and while I was playing I realised that's what's caused the pain in my left hand muscle (the bit inbetween the thumb and the index finger). But I carried on playing because I really wanted to play and a little pain has never stopped me!!! I also realised you can record in-game directly to youtube! So I took a couple of videos of me epically failing...oh dear.
Sooooo basically I spent the day doing nothing! I did revise....a little but games distracted me, as usual. And we're going out tomorrow for my sisters birthday too...early celebrations because Mondays a school day. Think we're going to Nandos at one point, yay!

Zzzz Face

Had to get up at 7 this morning and it was hell! Was fairly awake, I remember waking up at 6am for some reasona dn going back to sleep. Anyways, I got up and I did not feel good at all, I felt sick and dizzy so I went to the bathroom to wash my face and stuff and I had to sit/lie down for a bit before I felt well enough to go back to my room. I considered going back to bed but I knew I had to go in for revision as it was our last revision session before the day of the exam on thursday. So I went downstairs in my pjs and had some cereal and my mum made me some tea and I felt fine. Weird but I'm glad I did get better.
Revision session was good. Stacey (our teacher) was really upset that we were leaving her, bless her. We'd all chipped in £2 each to get her a secret present (well, presents) and she was really chuffed! At 23 or is she 24...anyway she is a very young teacher! Which I think is what makes her so good, so we're her first A level students which is why she's so upset we're leaving. We can add her on facebook after our exams have finished anyway so we can keep in contact which is good!
Came home at 11ish and spent about 3 hours playing trash panic, god it's so addictive! Tricky, but fun! I then had lunch with my dad and watched a South Park then basically spent the rest of the afternoon on the laptop. I should have been revising but since I got home from college I've felt so shattered. Lack of sleep catching up with me? Maybe. But what's the point in going to bed early...
I really want to go to bed and cuddle up to something warm but since there's nothing waiting for me in bed I don't wanna go up there hehe.
Played MGO this evening with the usual suspects, minus Stew and Matt. Was great fun, I got annoyed with myself a couple of times but since people have stopped being so obsessed with levels it's made the game a lot more fun. Silly Konami and their scoring system. If we couldn't see the plus' and minus' we wouldn't get so annoyed! They need to change it back, or at least change the system.
Going to town tomorrow to hand a C.V into Game and anywhere else that's advertising. Likelyhood of me getting a job is slim but it's worth a shot because I really need the money! Wish me luck :)

Wow what a crazy day!

I had another horrible dream last night, I dreamt one of my best friends hated me...was not nice!
In lighter news, I have had the craziest day! Before I went to college I went on Home to check out the new Buzz HQ area. It was awesome. Basically up to 45 players can take part in a buzz quiz! The question (created by users themselves from the mybuzz website) appear at the top of the screen and everyone moves their player onto one of four giant coloured buttons of the floor. Of course, there were some retards playing who didn't know what was going on (some actually said "Why are we running" several times!) and they just followed the crowd. But it was great fun! Later in the day, the area got removed because there were bugs which were stopping it from working...Home fails again! Was gutted. Was really looking foward to playing it properly when I got home from college.
Anyway, I went to college for an hours worth of revision (didn't end up doing much though!) but as soon as I got to college I had a text from Jen saying I'd won OPM's twitter contest! I was amazed! Didn't think my entries were that good! Basically, OPM were having a contest running for a day on twitter to win one of five beta codes for Uncharted 2 and I really wanted one. OPM asked the question: "Who would you want to see play the part of Nathan Drake in the Uncharted film and why?" Answers had to be creative and funny.
The first answer I gave was Johnny Depp because he's versitile, rugged (sp?) and if he can play a pirate he can play an adventurous treasure hunter!
Pretty lame huh? Well I saw people were giving more than one suggestion so I later on tweeted to them: Hugh Jackman because we all know Drake is an animal really ;)
I think that's the answer that won it for me.
Not only did I have that to come home to on twitter but JB had tweeted to me a tweet from a guy who was looking for girl gamers, who knew a lot about games (hardcore gamers basically) between the ages of 18 to 21 to get involved with a possible BBC project! So I got in contact with this guy, he asked me where abouts I lived, I told him south of England, Hampshire. And he said ok cool I'll add you to the list! How confident are you infront of cameras? I replied, I'm okay I guess. I was on a local TV channel before so I should be okay. He just said: Cool. Thanks.
So oh my freaking God if this turns out to be a real project I could be on TV! It would be amazing! Imagine how good that would look on my C.V! I really hope it is something I can take part in, I would be nervous but so damn excited. After all, how hard would it be to talk about games? It's what I do best!
Oh and I have played the beta of U2 and it is fantastic! It sometimes takes a while to search for the right amount of players for competative mode but it is great fun! And so smooth, doesn't seem to lag at all and the duck and cover system is the best there is! Loving it.
I ventured back into Home to see what this final area of Xi was all about. The summary said something about a ghost maze! Scary! So I went to go see. When I got into this maze it was actually very creepy! Giggling of children, walls that shoot up from the ground as you walk and skull ghost that you're not allowed to touch otherwise you go back to the beginning! It was too hard so I gave up in the end, upon my way out I noticed there were 3 other mazes, one is a riddle maze (good fun but a lot of guessing involved!), the other was a teamwork maze (I got stuck with a bunch of other people who didn't know what they were doing either) and the last maze is the expert maze which is locked. Presumably until you complete the other 3 mazes but I can't be bothered with any of them. I never have been bothered with Xi, I just want Buzz HQ back please! :(
For the rest of my time on the Ps3 I was playing the force unleashed (which is actually great fun!) until the store updated happened. I was hoping for Trash Panic and we got it! At £3.99 it was such a bargain so I brought it, downloaded it though it took me ages and gave it one quick go. It seems tricky but I'm sure if I read the instructions next time I'll get better. It's great fun! Silly fun for under £4, how could I say no? I only got to play one game because dad was insisting we watch The Dark Knight on bluray and I have to say godamn it looks sexy in 1080p! Yum yum batman (and I don't mean Christian Bale by the way, eww).

Started off the day by crawling my way out of an extremly hot bedroom, to go downstairs to see if OPM had arrived. In about 20 minutes the postman had arrived with my copy, hurray! I skim-read it quickly before cracking on with revision. I'll read it properly later. I've learnt almost all my studies on my flash cards so hopefully I'll know enough for the exam! I know if I get gender or ethnicity I will defiantly be okay!
I'm going into college tomorrow in the afternoon for an hours revision, which seems pointless but it's better than me doing an hour by myself at home. Plus it gets me out of the house.
When I was revising today my dad's friend called to find out what was happening about my sisters birthday which is next week, monday in fact. I brought her present literally MONTHS ago so I'm all set. Plus she's the easiest person to buy for I know. Maybe because I know her so well! Anyway, he asked what I was doing and I said revising,
"Revising killing people? You are aren't you!"
"No, no I'm being good!"
"Laura, there is nothing good about you"
Haha! Oh dear, the man knows me too well!
So after I could do simply no more revision I decided to check my emails as I am awaiting one from Kingston Uni to apply for housing soon, I'll probably get one from Winchester too. And I found an email from student finance entitled URGANT so I was a little afraid to be honest! It said that basically I may have to send additional documents to them but I needed to go to the website to check! So I logged in and looked for the section the email told me to go to. I couldn't find it anywhere. I was getting stressed out. VERY stressed out. I must have said the work "fuck" at least 50 times. I couldn't find a solution so I decided to take the plunge and ring them. I waited in a queue for 10 minutes and finally got through to a very lovely, scottish man. When I said I couldn't find the right section the email was asking me to go to he said that happens sometimes and "I don't know what they're playing at", he sounded as pissed off as me! Which was a relief that I wasn't just being a ditz and missing something completly. He checked through my account and said there was nothing I needed to worry about, the email must have been an error. Thank God for that! So I took my excess rage out on UT3...
I played with Ben, who wasn't bad actually! He was amazed by my skills, saying I was awesome because I'd won about 5 deathmatches in a row ha! Then this guy came along who was very good, had a headset and I seemed to kill him alot so whenever I did kill him he went "Oh yodasucks again!!!" Was rather amusing but it pissed off Ben a lot! Got a couple more UT3 trophies too, woohoo!
Three weeks until Thorpe park and a week tomorrow until my first A level exam...

GAMING ORGASM!

Oh. My. God. E3 was absolutly epic. Sony blew the competition out of the water with it's PSP content, prototype motion controller (looks a little like a dildo but oh well!), PSN stuff and it's amazing PS3 exclusives. Some really surprising stuff! Secret Team Ico game was revealed, looks beautiful. I am so excited now of what's to come on this console. Konami is meant to be having their pitch tomorrow so hopefully the new MGS will have some more light shead onto it. I really cannot wait. God I feel like such a geek now but it feels so good!
Tried to watch E3 through Home with Martyn. That failed epically. Stupid Home has let us down again. Martyn got threatened to be reported by some uptight bitch because he was making his usual smutty comments towards me. I don't know why she stuck her nose in, it was our private conversation. So I told her straight that M was my mate and that he was joking. She said "not funny", well it is to me love so piss off! Grr why do people stick their noses in! She did go away though, M was grateful that I stuck up for him.
Managed to watch E3 on the laptop instead. Thank goodness! Was texting Alex with all the info I could, not sure if I was annoying him or not, hehe. Oh well, my work here is done! :D

Exciting Times

I had yet another vivid dream this morning which involved a couple of very strange things....
The first thing being that my hair had gone absolutly wild, like proper sticking up by itself and it had turned pink! Not only was it a sickly pink colour it had blue and yellow streaks in! The most discusting thing you've ever seen. Was weird. I mean seriously what makes your brain think of strange things like that!?
The other part was I was travelling randomly to different places (a major running theme of my dreams) and I had stopped at a college/school (another major theme I always seem to have). I was hanging out with a bunch of people I didn't know (but my friend Alice was there?!) when an alarm went off which meant we all had to rush to a nuclear bunker type thing to keep safe! It was very, very strange!
Anyways moving on from my strange mind-creations, last night I tried to set up the first UT3 minion game. We had decided to ease in the newbies with a 4-way campaign mode. I set it up and Matt joined and it was running fine. Then Matt had to go for dinner so I waited for the Bossman and M to join the game. Bossman couldn't join and I think M was downloading the patch. So Bossman set up a game but I got the same error message he had got! We couldn't find a way round it so I joined a random online team deathmatch and the others followed me. Had a couple of games before I had to go and watch the gadget show. But I found out after I had left Stewie had decided to join and he set up a campaign and things ran fine! They all had a 4-way with me, was very miffed. Stewie even recorded one of the CTF missions they did, quite a funny video. Seems my stupid net was glitching or something, I hope it works next time!!! Or I shall be very sadface indeed.
Sony's pitch at E3 begins at 7pm tonight! I cannot wait! We're all hoping for something big to be revealed (secret game plz?!) that will blow Microsoft out of the water. Might try and watch part of E3 via Home as apparently it's going to stream it live tonight. But it may be a bit laggy so I'll give it a look and if it's crap I'll just watch Twitter for updates and rely on the lovely OPM and other various games companies to feed me information and linkage.
Will be leaving for college at quarter to 2 for a 2 hour revision session on another glorious day! Wish me luck!!! X

Betrayal.

I awoke to my vibrating alarm from another vivid dream this morning. I've been having so many recently about really random stuff! I wish I could dream about something nice and not something creepy...
Anyway I set off to college in a t-shirt and skirt (god I've been waiting for the moment I could walk outside with just a t-shirt on!) and went to English for some revision. Apparently I was an hour late but I'm SURE Anna said to come in the second period! Oh well, didn't do much in the hour but it made me somewhat more relaxed about the English exams. So when I came home I attempted to revise Sociology, I've learnt a few more studies and I'm going in tomorrow afternoon for a 2 hour revision session. I'm also supposed to go in for Film Studies in the morning but I'm not going to go because I'm focusing on Sociology and English at the moment because I've got those exams first. My film exam is quite late in the month so I'm not going to start worrying about it now! Besides, it's not as if I need to revise that much for film. Just learn the film names and dates, etc. Shouldn't be too difficult.
E3 news is not going well...Kojima got up upon the Mircrosoft stage today...turns out there will be a Metal Gear Solid for Xbox...even though Koj has always critised Xbox...sellout!!!! It's going to be called: Metal Gear Solid Rising, well it's a shite name for a start! We all know anyway that PS3 being the superior machine, that MGS will never be as good as it is on PS3. For a start, because PS3 uses bluray disks, they won't be able to pack as much information on an xbox HD disc. Therefore the graphics won't be as good, the game won't be as huge, etc. It's going to epically fail. We all know it. So take your MGS: Rising Xbox...take it and shove it up your redring of death.