Boo

No matter how positive I try and stay, I can't be like that the whole time. Sometimes I just have days where suddenly I realise how shit everything is. I really do feel like a bird trapped in a iron cage and I have no idea why. I guess I'm just trapped in by certain things and there's no way I could possibly escape from them. I'm no longer in control, everything is out of my hands. It's up to other people to now decide what happens to me, so all I can do is wait and hope and pray. Hopefully it will be okay but I don't know what I'm going to do if it isn't. And I try, I really do try not to wallow in my misery, because I know there are people who are having a shitter time than me but sometimes people can't help but be selfish. And since I spend so much time worrying about other people, I don't see any reason why I'm not allowed to be selfish. Moving swiftly on...

I'm going out tonight at 6 for Kirsty's birthday. I'm meeting up with Amy, Jo and Marnie before we go to Kirsty's house. Should be laugh and I haven't seen people for so long! But I don't wanna stay for too long...I don't even think I'm going to drink. People are bringing booze to her house but I can't be fagged. I may have a drink or two at the pub. Nothing more. I really have got to revise tomorrow. The problem is, I'm running out of ways to revise! All I seem to do is read through my notes, I'm not sure if it's even sticking but I kinda feel like I know what I need to know already. I mean, if you don't know it by now, you're kinda screwed. Revision is just trying to remember things. Not sure what tonight's going to be like. Not really looking foward to it, but at least I know my friends are going now! And I need to stop being a sad, lonely loser and go out and have fun, or at least try.
One exciting thing is that me and JB, possibly Stew are going to play Burnout with some of team OPM this afternoon at 4! They announced they would be on the new Big Surf Island area on Twitter. I didn't have the BSI pack but thanks to a very generous JB, he let me gameshare and download it off his account! I am spoilt. But very grateful! It's taking ages to download but should be done by 4pm I hope! Can't wait, is gunna be fun :)
See I look foward to gaming more than going out. I think that's rather worrying....