Rage

Today has not been a good day. I've felt crap pretty much all day and right about now I feel like crying.

I just had an arguement with my dad, he was sending me out to get milk and I said that I did it last time, send Sam. He said I'd done nothing all day except play ps3. For fucks sake. I went round Marnie's earlier for about an hour and a half. So basically I shouted at him "Well I have nothing else to do with my stupid, shitty life!". Which is true, I can't get a job (no one wants to take someone on for a month) and I pretty much feel my life is rather shit at the moment. He replied "That bad?" sarcastically. Yes, yes it fucking is but of course YOU wouldn't know that because you don't give a damn, you never ask me how I am then you wonder all of a sudden why I'm stressed. Because apparently, my life is sooooo perfect I don't have any stress! HA! If only you fucking knew you blind bastard.

Even when I was discussing Brighton earlier with mates, I felt bored, uninterested, depressed and thinking about how much this weekend is going to cost us is pretty depressing too as I know I have very little money.

And now poor old Jen can't get into Uni which is upsetting :(. I get my A level results in exactly a months time...yikes.

I'm trying to be optimistic, yes I do have things to look foward to this summer but I think I loved the indepedance of being on holiday, I want that again, soon please. I'm fed up of being a bitch, I just wish I could be happy. I keep wondering "one day" but when's that ever going to come? It's slipping out of my fingers, I can feel it. Please, hold on.