Stress

At the risk of sounding moany (as per usual) life has not been going too well for me as of late. The last couple of nights I've been lying in bed trying desperatly to get to sleep but I can't. I don't even feel awake otherwise if I did I'd get up and read a book. Nothing passes the time. Also, I've been having odd dreams so weird I can't even begin to make sense of them or describe them. Sometimes even in the day I'll sit there and I can hear a million different thoughts swirling around in my head but I can't focus on what I'm thinking. It sounds mad and crazy but the best way I can describe it is like when Jean Grey in the first X-men film can hear everyones thoughts at once and it clouds her mind. Except of course, all the thought are mine. I used to ge this feeling when I was a bit younger whenever I was ill so I am wondering if it's stress which is stupid because I have very little to stress about in my life. Everything makes me grouchy recently and no, before you even go there it's not a "woman's thing" it's just how I feel at the moment and I don't know how to make it go away. I need some happiness in my life.

I was invited out tonight to Lloyd's house but I am not going. Mainly because I rather dislike Lloyd. Although we were close friends in school and he is nice enough to me I dislike the type of person he is. He will say and do things just to piss people off which is why I cannot understand why most of my friends are visiting him tonight. Amy phoned me earlier to ask if I wanted to go to which I said no because I didn't want to. After I heard the tone in her voice I explained it was because I felt tired and a bit crappy at the moment from a lack of being able to sleep. She seemed to understand and wished that I'd feel better. Why do we always have to make excuses if we don't want to do something? It's funny how we're always made to feel guilty so we have to lie and think up some sort of excuse to explain ourselves. Sigh. Not that I lied to course, I really do feel like crap and perhaps if I felt like going out I would have gone because Marn, Jo, Amy and Adam would be there and they're the only people that are going that I am close friends with. I'm sure I'm not missing out on much. And if I am missing out well then nothing has changed there.

In other news I am trying to arrange a time when Lewis can come down here and stay over for the night so we can go out clubbing together with my friends. Marnie's got back to me on that and if it does happen it could be quite a laugh. It won't be happening until next month but it gives me something to look forward to at least. I am a bit worried about Matt's weekend though, which has now been changed to a weeks stay if we want. I want to go but it seems like so much effort to get up and there and so much money and I haven't got a job yet...eugh. More stupid crap to stress about. Looks like most people are going with their other halves too. Bleurgh. What's a girl to do :/