Boyfriend

Today I completed Band Hero though I'm sure I will play it to death yet. I've also got some awesome Nickelback tunes to play on Rock Band too tomorrow.
This morning I woke up, unlocked the back door and there was a random man in my garden. He said hello to me so I assumed he was meant to be here. My dad was out for ages so I couldn't ask him why he'd failed to inform me there would be men in my garden. Sigh. At least I was dressed. I had an argument with my dad who decided to laugh and say to the builders "teenagers!" so I told him to piss off. I hate living at home. I wish I didn't have to. Then one of the builders asked if the school was closed. No. You dick. I'm at university, I am NOT under 16! I WILL BE 20 THIS YEAR GODDAMMIT.

I also got a text from Alice asking if me and Marnie wanted to come down to the beach to meet her boyfriend, Sean. So I got in contact with Marnie who said she had to hand in some books into college first if I didn't mind waiting. So I said that would be fine. Then she sent me a text saying she'd changed her mind and to text her when I'm ready. So I stuck on some shorts and some shoes then told her I was ready. She seemed surprised by this and said could I wait until 3pm. For God's sake. Why give me the impression that you're ready when you aren't?! So I waited. Then I got another text asking if I could meet her at her house at quarter past. BUT I LIVE CLOSER TO THE BEACH!!!!! I told her this and she said "she wasn't thinking" and that "she'd be round in a bit". Sigh. It wouldn't bother me if she wasn't ALWAYS like this!!! Her excuse was, she thought when she first rung me I'd only just got up. What kind of person gets up at 2 in the afternoon?! My bed is not that good and I am not that lazy. Sheesh!

Anyway when we finally got down to the beach it was really breezy. Alice looked frozen, she'd wrapped herself up in her towel which made her look really funny. Sean was nice and friendly. They looked really sweet together, one of those couples that just seem to suit each other. Made me kind of jealous. Sad face. We walked all the way down to the pier and they all had chips and an ice-cream. I didn't because I'd just had lunch and I had literally no money on me. Marnie offered to get me one but I declined. We walked back and me and Marnie decided to head home whilst Alice and Sean stayed on the beach. As me and Marn were walking back through the park we bumped into my dad who was walking the dog. So I walked back with him to have dinner.

At least the day has ended better than it started.

Currently stuck in my head: Duffy-Warick Avenue: "I'm leaving you for the last time baby, you think you're loving but you don't love me. I've been confused out of my mind lately, you think you're loving but you don't love me, I want to be free. Baby you've hurt me".

Catching up with old friends

Well one old friend at least. Yesterday my Band Hero game came and I love it. It's poptastic fun and a good challenge for me. I only had a quick go on it before I got ready to go out with Alice down the beach. I didn't wear my bikini or anything because I'd got burnt this weekend and decided it would be sensible to cover up and I'm not bothered about getting a tan anyway. She called round mine and we walked down to the beach, had an ice-cream and talked for ages, mostly about our various man problems. Her more so as she spoke so much about her new boyfriend, she wants me to meet him this week which I am happy to do but I'm not really one of those friends who get really excited about meeting their mates new lovers. I don't get why people get like that...as long as they're happy who cares what I think of them! I guess it's just another one of those woman things I don't quite understand. Men are right, we are strange creatures. Anyway it was good to talk and have a catch up on the past three months! It's weird because we both agreed we were bad at keeping in contact with people back home but when we come home it's like we've never been away so neither party seem to mind about the lack of contact! Damn. That reminds me I completely forgot to ask Alice about Saturday, I'm meant to be going to Jo's birthday, wanted to go with her or see what she wanted to do about it.

Right now I am suffering with back ache which is not nice. I got it whilst sleeping it seems but it's still very odd and horrible. Today is a day of relaxing, though I'm currently having to rest my hand due to too much Band Hero...

Currently listening to: Nightwish-Bye bye beautiful
"Jacob's ghost for the girl in white, blindfold for the blind, dead Siblings walking the dying earth. Noose around a choking heart, eternity torn apart, so toll now the funeral bells."

Amazing weekend :D

Friday night was Kirsty's birthday party at "The old house at home", which is a pub literally 1 minute from me so that was very convinient. Adam and Amy were there to greet me and showed me into the beer garden. I was shocked to see Yaz there, along with her new boyfriend. Yaz is the oldest friend I have and I always love seeing her (which isn't very often unfortunatly). It's funny that we are still so simular. Even though I've always been the geeky, slightly boy-ish one and she's is uber girly we are still a bit like twins, personality wise. We both laugh at anything and can giggle for an age about stupid things. We both hate the drama and bitchiness that can go on but love a good gossip/talk. We both used to have a PS1 and used to play together at each others houses every week. I miss the simple time when we were young. I slept over at hers a lot. We would share a bed and even had a bath together when we were very young. Now that's friendship. And when I see her, it's like we've never been away from each other. I love mates like that.

Best of all her new boyfriend is lovely. And more importantly, a good man. I mean, the guy traded his Xbox 360 in for a PS3! I told him he was a good man. I think too much of my geekiness came out that night. Especially when I called myself a Sony whore and Adam nearly spat his drink everywhere in laughter. What? I'm proud!

We all got a biut annoyed at Marnie and Jo though. They turned up very late, just before me and Yaz wanted to leave in fact. It was kind of rude of them as it was meant to be Kirsty's party but they were obviously more interested in going out clubbing afterwards...fail. And Marnie is already complaining about the fact she is now single. Does it ever end? Suddenly the shoe is on the other foot. Deal with it.

Saturday morning I got up early in order to get ready to meet Alex at the station as he was coming down to visit me today. I set off a little too early though as Alex said his train was delayed but only when I asked him! Communication fail. But nevermind, whilst he waited for a train I decided to walk into town to look for some new shoes as New Look had 20% off all sandals this weekend. And trust me, I REALLY needed some new ones! There weren't many pairs I liked except for one pair in the perfect size. I tried them on, they seemed to be made of win and for £14 I couldn't really go wrong. So I brought them and made my way back to the station. As I walked back I got a call from Alex saying he was now on a train and luckily it was a fast one so I got back to the station and sat and waited for him.

When he finally arrived he was incrediably shocked. Yes - even I, Minxy, wear dresses Alex! Especially on a day like it was. Incrediable weather but way, way too hot! He said it would take him a while to get over the shock and sure enough later on he even took a picture of me in the said dress and sent it to all the minions. The guy makes me laugh. We walked from the station to Gunwharf Quays where they'd been a fire at a power station which meant not all the shops were open. That didn't really matter to us but we really wanted a drink and Burger King was closed. I suggested a pub as there are lots of nice ones nearby. Okay, so the one I picked was a little far away, stop complaining! I was the one with my feet in pain as my new shoes were rubbing worse than my old ones. We had a quick drink and some lunch whilst having a chat about things before leaving and walking along the seafront.

I must have walked half of Portsmouth that day! I got sunburnt and blistered up my feet. All of my legs hurt, it's hard to even walk! But I survived and it was worth it. I may even do a Bossman and take up walking as I clearly need to be fitter and walking might just be a good way to do that! Though I shall wait until I heal up first...

Pizzarr

Not much has really happened today but for some reason I am a lot happier. I do not have a reason for this but hey I can't knock it! Think I'm just looking forward to the weekend more as I get closer to it. Kirsty's birthday party tomorrow evening, will be nice to see everyone but I'm not going clubbing afterwards. Usually I would but since I have to get up early on saturday it's not a good idea! At least I have a reasonable excuse.

I've literally just come back from Mozzerella Joes, a pizza place on the seafront with a lovely view of the horizon and Isle Of Wight in the distance. It was just about warm enough to brave the outside but I was a little annoyed dad didn't let me know we were going to be outside as I would have put more clothes on! I am very sensitive to temperature as most of you know but I coped okay. We had some garlic bread then I had a BBQ pizza very easily to myself and then shared a chocolate fudge cake with my sister. It was very nice indeed!

Now I'm just chilling out and watching a film. Tomorrow my dad and Kelv are going to a tank museum together and will be out most of the day and my mum won't get home from work until 2pm so I will be alone! Playstation it is then. Band Hero won't get here for tomorrow though, shame!

WE FUCKING WON!

Well we did it, we actually won a game of football and saved ourselves from being kicked out of the world cup. It's funny, I wouldn't call myself a football fan but I can't help but soak up the atmosphere that is football sometimes. I am glad we're through, I just hope we can keep it up!

In other news, today my mum dragged me down Gunwharf to go job hunting. I was very negative at first as job hunting is depressing as I'm sure we all know. But it was okay actually. It was nice to be out in the sunshine, although it was far too hot! There were no jobs, anywhere. But I walked past HMV, which I wouldn't mind working at, which had an advert for sales people but then underneath it said there were no vacancies. How disapointing! However my mum thought it was a good idea to go in and ask anyway. So I went over to the guy working alone in the games section and asked if there were any jobs avaliable because I was a bit confused by the sign in the window. He said there weren't but I was quite right, it is confusing and I was apparently the first to notice there was actually a sign saying no vacancies! I was shocked, can't people read? So he said "you'd probably do great here!". Bless him! He was so lovely and pretty damn cute too (sorry)! He's told me to keep trying online as they only take online CVs. Win. I shall keep trying and it means I can check the Kingston store too! So it wasn't a complete failure. I brought lunch and my mum brought me some jelly babies too. Yay.

Other than that not much has happened apart from some football and some mental tennis. Looking forward to this weekend, can't wait.

Crumble

Didn't sleep again last night until gone 2am. For the massive loss. Anyway, when I got up this morning I sat in the outdoor part of Crumble's pen and got him to come up to me. He's not really that shy but he won't let me pick him up just yet as he ran away and stamped his foot (warning me to back off) when I tried to pick him up. I want to get him used to being picked up before I grab him really. A little bit everyday should do the trick and he's fairly happy with being stroked so at least he is not nervous. Should be doable it just may take some time with him. But I've got plenty of that.

Today I went to Bognor with my mum and dad for a walk along the beach. It was lovely weather for it and it was good to get out into the sea air. Chilled out when I got home. Mum is still out for drinks with her work buddies as a lot of people from the library, where she works, are going to be split up this week so it's the last time they will all see each other. Quite sad really but the council are fucking the library over at the moment, it's the same everywhere. To think volunteers will eventually be able to run an entire library is ridiculous and an insult to people like my mum. Mind you I completly disagree with how this government is tackling the recession. Making more people unemployed to save money and also cutting benefits at the same time...umm yeah government you fail. We'll be seeing more homeless people this year then shall we...? If we got rid off half the ministers I'm sure that would make a lot more money. Pah.

Just watched District 9. Better than I thought it would be as I've heard mixed opinions on it. Very sad though. Why do I keep watching depressing films of late?! Dad made a comment earlier that I seemed "bored of life" and that I should "buck up". So tempted to tell him to fuck off. But I must not.

Bunny!

Today we did indeed get the rabbit we wanted. He's so small, only 12 weeks old so he's going to get a lot bigger yet! We've decided to call him crumble. His fur is amazing, such an unusual colour and as soft as velvet, beautiful! I have vowed to cuddle him a bit everyday to get him used to being handled. At least it will give me something to do.

Mum also booked our little holiday in bath today as well. We found a basic cottage to stay in which is dog-friendly so we can take Ollie with us too. Johnboyy also started to arrange another possible minion meet up which if it happens will be a fantastic end to my week of work experience! Can't wait now.

I'm not sure how to feel at the moment. I'm really stressed out about things and I'm getting to the point where I'm wondering if it's worth it. Things NEED to be sorted out because at the moment I am just constantly angry at, well, nothing! Too much tension and it needs to be ironed out soon. I can't put up with this for another year. I will actually end up killing someone or myself. I was hoping to get things sorted tomorrow but that won't happen now. Ahh well. I can wait.

Currently listening to: Gwen Stefani-Early Winter
"Why do you act so stupid? You know that I'm always right. It looks like an early winter, for us. It hurts and I can't remember sunlight."

Yawn

My life at home is so boring now. Today is father's day. My sister and I made him some dinosaur shaped chocolates and gave him a monkey shaped potato peeler which he seemed to like thankfully. We then went for a walk along the seafront with my mum and dad's friends Sooty and Kelv. Sooty's brother came along Steve, he's a bit funny, think he has a form of aspergus syndrome but he's never been diagnosed, who also brought along a friend of his called Andy. He was a bit weird also, he kept staring at me, at first I thought he was just trying to read my t-shirt (see above pic) but he continued to stare at me...it was creepy. Thankfully Steve and his friend left very early on in the walk to go their own way.

We walked 4 miles! I was complaining a little because it was hot and we hadn't had anything to eat or drink the entire time and my sis was also exhausted. On the way back, all the "adults" as they called themselves, went into Waitrose to pick up some food for late lunch/early tea and we slowly walked back to the car.

Even though I've actually done something today, rather than sit on my sofa with my laptop, I still feel...bored. It's incredibly frustrating. In other good news my mum has been looking up places to stay in Bath for my work experience and thought since my dad only has one booking that week which would only earn him £75, we may as well all stay in Bath for a week as a small holiday. This makes me very happy as I won't have to worry about being too lonely there and dad can drive me to Future Publishing's offices every day. Perfect. That particular week is getting better and better for me. Can't wait :)

Bunneh?

After I went to bed last night, out of boredom rather than tiredness, I recieved a text from Alex. He'd just got out of the hospital after being kicked in the head by a child! Ouch! I didn't sleep well again last night and was woken up at 8am by Alex phoning me. He told me what happened. He basically sat in the hospital for three hours with his miserable girlfriend who showed no sympathy towards him. He then told me he was going back to sleep because he was knackered but he just wanted to let me know what happened. He showed great anger towards the child in question. I'm glad he didn't go into work today because he was in no right mood or state, to work today.

I on the other hand went shopping with my sister and mum. Didn't buy anything and spent most of the time getting down about not having a job. There are jobs going at accessorize which I will fill out an application form for but I will never get hired. Looking at the women who work in there I am no where near girly enough for them to ever hire me...sigh.

We almost brought a rabbit on the way home as there's one little boy rabbit sat in a hutch there and he was so sweet and looked so lonely. My mum was interested in him and the lady there said she'd do a deal on any of the rabbits if we were interested because they'd been there for so long and they need a home. If dad let's us we could have a new pet soon...maybe. I hope so. I love rabbits.

Mum didn't know what to make for dinner tonight so I suggested I could try and make carbonara. I've never made it before but Lewis makes it all the time at university and it seems like an easy dish to make so I should be fine. Better get started on it soon actually!

Currently listening to: Heavy rain soundtrack-before the storm

Disaster

I don't want to blog about yesterday at all because the whole thing was one big disaster I'd rather not talk about. But at least I think something good came out of it. It was a huge kick up the arse for someone and I hope getting as upset and as angry as I did, did do a lot of good. Let's cross our fingers eh...

In other news Nathan got back to me on dates for the work experience and I shall be doing it on the week beginning 23rd of August. Exciting but nervous times. Also, someone asked me on twitter how many trophies I have, I looked it up and I have exactly 666 which I thought was rather spooky. I posted a pic that Johnboyy seemed to love and I quote: "B3ST TWITPIC EVA!!!!!111111122222".

I haven't heard back from Game so I assume I haven't got the job. I'm starting to think no one will employ me. If a shop where I would be an expert in won't take me who the fuck will? Sad times.

I had an odd dream last night. A random gay guy tried to mount me. Not really sure what I make of that myself! Told you I'm losing my mind. At least I woke up to a nice phone call.

And so I pass my days sitting on the laptop being pretty much bored out of my brains. What a life I am currently living. At least I have a few things I can hopefully look forward to soon.

Currently listening to: Robbie Williams- Somewhere
"Somewhere there's a place where you can go. Someplace you can lay your heavy head down. Everybody needs somewhere to go, we don't get high to get a comedown. You take your chance in life, go out and find a wife, don't get stuck in the state I'm in. Someone, somewhere, is loving you."

Sony @ E3

Well Sony, you did it again except you topped last year by miles. Portal 2, Killzone 3, Medal of honour, Little big planet 2...just to name a few all looked amazing. I'm especially excited about Portal 2 because we weren't expecting to get it on Playstation 3 but sure enough Glados' voice came on over the loudspeaker: "Deploying surprise in three. Two. One." Then they showed the trailer for the game...beautiful and it looks like it directly continues from the first game (after you kill Glados) but she's back baby and as she said "It's been a very, very long time." and god we've been waiting for it! You should have heard the noises I made when I saw Portal 2! There was much "yes'" and squealing, so much so my dad came upstairs to see what I was so excited about! Thank God I let them know I was watching E3...I cannot wait. I will definatley pre-order that game as soon as I can. But I'll have to wait until next year yet! Little big planet 2, the new Motorstorm and DC Universe online will be must-haves too. Woop!

Sony has done a wonder on me too. They've actually got me excited about Playstation Move. I wasn't bothered about it before because I kind of saw it as a Wii remote for the Ps3...except the remote looks kinda like a sex toy. But they showed off a game called Sorcery which was actually really impressive. You're a young boy who kills goblins with spells. Genius. You can create whirlwinds, fire and ice to destroy your enimies. I can see it being a real hit with kids especially but even I want to have a go on it! They also showed Move with Tiger Woods. Now I'm not a real fan of golf but the one-to-one precision was really showed off with this game. Exciting stuff!

But Kevin Butler really stole the show. The comedy character is taking part in Sony's huge "It only does everything" campaign. Gotta love the slogan. Whoever came up with that deserves a trophy, a real one! Kevin Butler came on and did a speech about how fantastic gaming is, no matter what you play or who you are. It was fantastic, funny and honestly made me proud to be a gamer. And I don't care how sad that sounds because it's true.

I hadn't been that excited in a long time. Yeah I know, I'm a massive geek but e3 was like a wet dream for me. Good times for gaming ahead.

Oh dear...

I got to sleep okay again last night though I did lie there for a while, my mind buzzing around a lot of stresses I really should not be stressing about. I woke up at 5:30am this morning for some unknown reason. I seem to be doing this thing where I stretch in my sleep and make a noise that wakes me up. It's very odd. Anyway, I checked my phone for messages and the time and I had a message from Alex. He'd been pulled over by the police last night for a gone out headlight and they found out his M.O.T had expired. Bad times though it was kind of bound to happen. I text back asking what happened and then attempted to get back to sleep but it was very hard. I did eventually and after I'd got up, had a shower and breakfast I got a phone call from Alex. He told me the story and it looks as if he's going to end up going to court over it! Which seems really harsh and unnecessary but the bloke that pulled him over was apparently a real cock. Alex was fine with it as he knew he was in the wrong and was civil to the officers that pulled him over but they didn't treat him with much respect so he was more pissed off with the way he was treated! He probably got treated like that because he's young and has a nice car. He's going to be paying out a lot of money so it's not going to be a very good birthday for him next month unfortunately...

After that call I went to Chichester with my mum and dad to have a look around the shops. It's been a fairly nice day so it was good fun. My mum and I found my dad a good father's day present but unfortunately he already saw in the shops what we might have got him. Gah! really gutted he knows what he's getting now! But never mind because the other part of his present is a secret so all is not lost. I didn't buy anything, booo!

Tonight is Sony's E3 conference which I am rather excited about. A few of us are getting together on msn to chat about it as we watch. Should be a good laugh as long as Sony doesn't do a Microsoft and just talk about the shitty motion stuff that no one really cares about...

Currently listening to: Robbie Williams-Starstruck
"Ready steady go, everybody famous, everyone you know, why'd it take you ages?"

Jobkplz?

I slept better last night in fact I slept so well I remember feeling awake at 8am! I went back to sleep though and was woken up by my dad charging into my room with a cup of tea. I said "Jesus Christ!", he made me jump! To which he responded, "no I'm not I'm your father", my dad the comedian ladies and gentlemen. I thought I'd slept in late or something and asked him the time, it was 9am. I asked him why he was waking me up and he said I could go down the town with him and mum to hand my CV into Game personally. Fair enough. So I sat in bed drinking my tea and when I got up there was another one waiting for me downstairs along with some toast. I tried to tidy myself up in the 45 minutes I had to get ready (since being woken up).

When I got to Game all the staff in that day were talking about a mystery shopper coming into the store. One member of staff took my CV off me and said he'd pass it onto the manager. The guy giving the pep talk looked like the boss so hopefully it got passed onto him pretty quickly. All we have to do is keep our fingers crossed!

I spoke to Alex earlier who I haven't heard much from this weekend. He said he'd had one of the worst weekends worth of work, kids running away and him having to restrain kids, etc. Sounds pretty mental but he sounded okay and said he was going to try and steal Lost Planet 2 off his brother so we can do some co-op. Would be excellent if he could get it because the online co-op and offline co-op for that matter, is fantastic fun. Could be some funny times up ahead :).

Other than that not much has happened today, just waiting for dinner now...so hungry...

Currently listening to: Ana Johnsson-Don't cry for pain
"I think you 'ought to know I don't cry for pain. I only cry for love."

Game

With yet more bouts of insomnia and dreams about fighting someone I know from university, as Tom put it, I'm turning into a real life Madison Paige! Jokes aside, the insomnia is really getting to me, making me very grouchy in the mornings and too tired to do much. Thankfully I think it's improving, at least it did *slightly* last night.

Yesterday I went shopping even though I did not get much sleep that night. I was kind of forced out but I'm glad I was as it was just me and my mum having a sort-of-girlie shopping trip. I didn't buy much, except some underwear, the real win was seeing an advert in Game saying they were looking for part-time staff to start immediatly. My dream job! So today I straightened up my CV, aiming it towards Game, ready for my mum to drop into there tomorrow before she goes to work. Epic win. All I can do is cross my fingers and hope they employ me! I'm like, perfect! If they don't employ me, no one will! Plus I've noticed there's a distinct lack of female employees in this Game which may or may not mean I'm in for a shot. I'll have to wait and see if they give me a call I guess! And since Ellie from the OPM group got a job there recently I'll have to ask her for interview tips if I get an interview. Plan.

The night before last night I saw Britain's official number 1 Elvis impersonator. He was amazing! It was such a good night out, loved it.

Other than that not much to blog about, wish me luck for the job :)

Currently listening to: Lazytown-You are a pirate
"Yar harr, fiddle de dee, if you love to sail the sea, you are a pirate!"
Love it ;D

Minxy gets lucky

It's rather a bad thing that I'm beginning to thinking moaning really does get me somewhere. Last time I left down around my uni friends I got brought a shakeaway, I moaned I couldn't get a cheap PS3 guitar controller and Nathan from OPM sent me one for free and now I've been offered work experience at Official Playstation magazine for no obvious reason! I think I am just lucky friend-wise and of course I am teasing. I would never moan to get something perposfully. But yes, I am a very, very lucky girl and all I can think about is OPM. I am incrediably nervous at the same time even though I'm hoping to do it in August so that's a while away. The best thing about it is my parents are helping me out by driving me there and back, they're also helping with the accomodation costs! It's so kind of them, especially as this summer is going to be so expensive for me and the likely-hood of getting a job is quickly fading. But hey ho, as Alex said to me today: it's about time something went right, for you.

Anyway enough of that as it's not 100% certain yet but I will let you know how it goes. We were going to go shopping to Chichester today but as the weather is, quite frankly, shite we've decided to do next week instead. I hope the weather is better tonight as my sister is going to the fair with her friend. Us adults are dropping them off then going for a drink, win! I also think we are ordering pizza...I hope so anyway, nom nom nom.

I'm getting more and more excited about E3. Much more than the world cup which unfortunatly I couldn't give a toss about (sorry). Rock band 3 looks mint but I haven't even got rock band 2 yet! I'm way behind the times but I really can't afford anymore games at the moment. All my money is going on train journeys this summer!

I sleep a little better last night but it was still a struggle to get to sleep in the first place. I think about far too much stuff whilst I lie in bed. I think that's my problem, can't seem to switch off at the moment. Ahh well. We'll see how it goes.

Song of the moment: Nickleback-someday
"Someday, somehow, I'm gunna make it alright but not right now. I know you're wondering when..."

Stress

At the risk of sounding moany (as per usual) life has not been going too well for me as of late. The last couple of nights I've been lying in bed trying desperatly to get to sleep but I can't. I don't even feel awake otherwise if I did I'd get up and read a book. Nothing passes the time. Also, I've been having odd dreams so weird I can't even begin to make sense of them or describe them. Sometimes even in the day I'll sit there and I can hear a million different thoughts swirling around in my head but I can't focus on what I'm thinking. It sounds mad and crazy but the best way I can describe it is like when Jean Grey in the first X-men film can hear everyones thoughts at once and it clouds her mind. Except of course, all the thought are mine. I used to ge this feeling when I was a bit younger whenever I was ill so I am wondering if it's stress which is stupid because I have very little to stress about in my life. Everything makes me grouchy recently and no, before you even go there it's not a "woman's thing" it's just how I feel at the moment and I don't know how to make it go away. I need some happiness in my life.

I was invited out tonight to Lloyd's house but I am not going. Mainly because I rather dislike Lloyd. Although we were close friends in school and he is nice enough to me I dislike the type of person he is. He will say and do things just to piss people off which is why I cannot understand why most of my friends are visiting him tonight. Amy phoned me earlier to ask if I wanted to go to which I said no because I didn't want to. After I heard the tone in her voice I explained it was because I felt tired and a bit crappy at the moment from a lack of being able to sleep. She seemed to understand and wished that I'd feel better. Why do we always have to make excuses if we don't want to do something? It's funny how we're always made to feel guilty so we have to lie and think up some sort of excuse to explain ourselves. Sigh. Not that I lied to course, I really do feel like crap and perhaps if I felt like going out I would have gone because Marn, Jo, Amy and Adam would be there and they're the only people that are going that I am close friends with. I'm sure I'm not missing out on much. And if I am missing out well then nothing has changed there.

In other news I am trying to arrange a time when Lewis can come down here and stay over for the night so we can go out clubbing together with my friends. Marnie's got back to me on that and if it does happen it could be quite a laugh. It won't be happening until next month but it gives me something to look forward to at least. I am a bit worried about Matt's weekend though, which has now been changed to a weeks stay if we want. I want to go but it seems like so much effort to get up and there and so much money and I haven't got a job yet...eugh. More stupid crap to stress about. Looks like most people are going with their other halves too. Bleurgh. What's a girl to do :/

And so the waiting game continues

Yesterday I had a bit of a bad day, which is a shame really because I was looking forward to this day. In the early afternoon we (me, my sister, mum, dad and my parents friends Sue and kelvin) went for a walk along southsea sea front. It was a long old walk about we walked the entire length of the sea front and it was very hot. Unfortunatly for me I was wearing jeans too but it wasn't too bad. Anyway as a reward for a long walk we were to have a bbq. Kelv was cooking as he is a very good cook. My mum had brought be a bottle of cider because I really craved it on such a nice day and this was part of my mistake.

Recently you may, or may not, have noticed I've been a bit highly strung about things. I'm either angry, fustrated or upset, perhaps all three at once. It's been very confusing for me and emotionally draining but since there's nothing I can do I have no choice to carry on. I wouldn't have gotten so tipsy if Kelv hadn't given me champayne before the cider...it was a bad move. But anyway I got a bit down about things and chatted to my mate Lewis which kind of made me pour out all my emotions. I was in tears and felt utterly stupid for it. Because i'd been crying I got a headache which didn't go away for the rest of the evening so I ended up going to bed early to rest my head. I somehow managed some LBP with some of the OPM crew whilst my mum and dad went to the pub.

I felt much better when I woke up today and I know I have many people looking out for me, which I love. I really appriciate it you guys, for putting up with me when I lose my mind! But I guess you can't blame me! Today I just chilled out as tomorrow is my sisters' birthday and I think my mum is taking me job hunting down Gunwharf too which will not be fun! Either that or we'll be lazy and spend the day baking for my sister as she hasn't got a cake yet and my mum always makes our cakes. None of that shop-brought rubbish! Either way I can see tomorrow being very busy and not giving me much time to play Lost Planet 2 which I soared through 2 chapters today. I'd been stuck on a particular train level but now I'm past that I'm well away again. From the way the story is going I must be near the end but I have no idea how many chapters there are so...who knows!

Anywho I must be off to bed if I am to get up tomorrow! x

Southampton

Even though we all woke up late and it was horrible weather, we still all decided to go shopping in Southampton. This was handy for me as I had not yet been able to get my little sister a present for her birthday which is in a week. I did manage to pick her up something (which I shant post here just in case) so that was good. The day wasn't really wildly exciting I must admit until it came to getting home. Mum and dad had just brought a sewing machine for my sister for her birthday/xmas present but as my dad tried to drive the car round to the collection point...he could only travel at 10mph. Fail. Travelling home at that speed would take over 2 hours so he called someone to come and tow us home. That took an hour and a half but riding home in the truck was kinda fun.

When we got back it was 7pm, meaning I had to miss some MGO as we were ordering pizza hut because it was too late to make dinner at that point. After dinner I got to play for a good hour. There was five of us and the games were quite good fun even though I was getting a little fustrated at myself at a couple of points. And thus my evening comes to an end because everyone is going to bed early! It's weird, I've had a relativly good day but something, right now, is getting to me. I cannot place it for the life of me. I really hate not knowing what's bothering me, same old I guess. It won't stop bothering me until it stops. Le sigh.

At least I have my friends.

Speaking of which, last night I went to a pub because my mate Bex invited me and I hadn't seen her since Easter. Marnie couldn't go because she felt ill and Alice is still at uni. But anyway, we were sat there, me, Bex, Josie and Chris, waiting for Amy and Adam to turn up whom I was also looking forward to seeing. They were talking about poor old Adam who'd had his first kiss the other night...in a gay bar with someone he doesn't know! I know Adam has had trouble recently realising whether he likes girls or boys or both as he lacks experience. Anyway, they were talking about it all and kinda making fun of him and were generally being a bit grossed out by it all. Basically it was bordering on being homophobic and it was very hard sitting there listening them be so childish about the whole thing. Especially when two of my best mates are gay. Made me kind of angry but maybe this was just me being sensitive. I don't know. But other than that, it was a rather funny night and it was good to see everyone.

Tomorrow I am going to try and get up early to go shopping with mum and my sister. My sister wants to get contact lenses...a little young I thought! I'm sure I didn't get them at that age...ahh well up to my mum I suppose as she has to pay for them! We shall see how it goes. Then in the evening I am meant to be meeting up with Bex and Marnie, should be interesting. Not sure what time or where, saw Bex mentioned mine being a possible location...nice of you to ask...*cough*. Why do I get so annoyed at Marnie? It's not something a mate should do. Why the hell is anyone friends with me?! I'm a complete bitch sometimes! Which is why I was so surprised when Lewis, Joe and Matt were once (apparently) saying how much they liked me when they went to the pub together. I guess most of the time I am nice and I do put up with a hell of a lot but I always seem to think I'm a grumpy bitch, haha. I think it's a recent thing as I've been feeling down about things so every little thing just makes me angry or upset with my life. I hope this passes.

I should stop babbling and go to bed and hope everything feels better tomorrow. Night all x

Currently listening to: The rolling stones- (I can't get no) satisfaction