Grown-up

I haven't blogged in a while but was inspired to this evening. Us three girls, Ellie, Rachel and myself had a good old chat this evening, about, well everything! We discussed whether we wanted to be in this house next year as it is falling apart a bit and it's making some people feel down and stressed out, which I can understand. Also there's a fear that Lewis may or may not continue with his university course, which takes us back to the question of maybe living in a different house next year. We all talked about our relationships, our futures and plans. It sounds really stupid but that conversation actually made me feel like a mature adult. I'm starting to plan things, take control of my life and get serious about my relationship and what I want to do in the future. My work experience at Official Playstation Magazine made me realise that Journalism, specifically gaming Journalism is definitely what I want to do in the future. I finally have a goal, I still need to be more confident in myself as a writer but I am getting there.

Things are hard for all of us at the moment but at least we all have each other to keep us sane! Not sure how I would survive without my uni mates. Sometimes, I'm a lucky girl.

Cold

My moods can be somewhat...erratic at times but that past week has not been nice for me. Maybe it's because I hadn't seen Alex in what felt like a very long time but what I mainly felt it was down to is this current cold I am experiencing. It hasn't really kicked in until today and it's just made me feel like shit. I suffered with hayfever all summer and now it's winter I have to put up with more of the same. It's rather tiring to say the least. But hey, at least I am fairly easy to cheer up!

On another, less moany note, I am actually starting to enjoy poetry! I was horrified when I found out I was stuck doing it this year but though I'm still not very good at it, I'm rather enjoying it! Maybe it's because I can get my emotions out through something nice and short rather than writing a short story which takes forever and I'm not very committed to at the moment because of a lack of inspiration. You can view my poems here.

Bare in mind I haven't written many yet but I will be adding one a week :) So keep a look out if you're interested and any comments would be welcomed.

Something that has cheered me up greatly is having another review published in Official Playstation Magazine. This time it's a decent size! This has made me very happy indeed as I can officially say I'm a published writer and in such a high quality magazine! Really want to get myself a copy when it's in the shops just to have it to show off. Can't wait to show my parents either if they haven't already, they'll be proud!

HappyFace

This has been a good week. Mainly because yesterday was spent entirely with Alex. Unfortunately for me, it's not very often I get to have Alex for a whole day or more but for once he was free and I'd been looking forward to this in a while. He turned up around midday yesterday, earlier than expected but luckily I'd just finished doing my hair and finishing up my Journalism work. So, Alex suggested we head out to London. We had a great time wondering around, it took as an age to find Forbidden Planet but we got there in the end! We looked around a few shops and stopped for coffee. We didn't buy much but we were knackered so we headed home to get dressed up and go out for dinner.

I couldn't decide where I wanted to eat so Alex suggested Ha Ha Bar and Grill. I'd never been there so I was willing to try it plus it was right next to the Thames, a nice location and not too far to walk! Alex put on his suit then waited downstairs while I got dressed. I wore a black dress, tights and my fav leopard print heels. When I got downstairs the rest of my housemates were making dinner and complimented how me and Alex looked. Matt took a nice picture of us which was a nice thought as we have no pictures of us together. That may seem weird to some people but considering our situation, it's kind of difficult! Anyways I can't wait to see that picture. Then we said our goodbyes and headed off to Ha Ha. I was practically the same height as him in my heels! So we walked together down to the restaurant.

The food was lovely. Alex had lamb (which was when I tried lamb for the first time!) and I had chicken wrapped in ham. It was absolutely amazing. I had a cocktail and he had a beer. Then for pudding he had cheesecake and I had chocolate brownies, nom nom! We were going to go to the cinema afterwards as Alex wasn't in a drinking sort of mood but orange Wednesday meant it was very busy and we couldn't be bothered to queue and possibly miss the beginning of our film. So instead we went home and chilled out with the others.

Yesterday has made me realise how much I really want this whole thing to work out. I'm not going to go all squishy and romantic on you guys but I seriously hope good things are to come. My housemates have said they would be happy for Alex to come and live with us if things turn out good which is really nice of them. I think they just want me to be happy. This is why I love them so much! <3

Time to start working...

My few weeks of doing not much are coming to an end. I am truly quite worried about what my courses are going to be like this year as I know it's a huge jump from 1st to 2nd year. Be that as it may I have to do it and I'm sure I will be fine. I also have Friday and Saturday to look forward to, Eurogamer! On Friday I'm heading to Waterloo to meet Alex and then we are making our way to Earls Court where we will probably meet Rob (who I am looking forward to meeting!) and his friend. We won't see Rob most of the day as he is mainly going for the job fayre which is a shame but at least I get to spend time with Alex. Though I am going with him on the Friday I will still miss him not being there with the rest of the minions on Saturday. Oh well. Another time perhaps.

Alex told me he had started packing today for his new flat but he's not moving until November! Utter madness but at least he will be prepared I guess! Originally I was a bit gutted about him moving house with her. Hearing about him going on holiday with her was hard enough without him telling me that they were moving for six months after he came back. I'm getting over it now though, especially with the promise of things ending in a few months time (hopefully). I will still end things if they aren't sorted by July but every thing looks on the up now. Everyone cross their fingers for me :).

Enough about that rubbish though. I looked at my uni timetables recently and it now looks as if I don't have lessons on both Tuesdays AND Wednesdays! A lecture on Wednesdays has suddenly disappeared from my timetable! I'm not sure if it will come back or not but I don't seem to have many lessons at all this year! Guess I will be doing 90% of my work at home though so the pressure is on me to get stuff done! I am determined to be more organised this year and get stuff done as soon as possible. At least I can lock myself away in my room this year without the temptation of someone wanting to come round and play games! So hopefully, I'll get more work done.

Resident Evil Afterlife

I have always enjoyed the Resident Evil films and for me, this one was almost perfect, much better than the last film. The story follows on from the last, Alice is chasing Wesker to see what he is plotting whilst also trying to find other survivors of the infection. The story doesn't get much more complicated than that really. There are so many references to Resi 5 (the game) to keep fans like me happy, a couple of fight scenes were directly taken from the game! Loved it.

As for the 3D, this is possibly one of the best 3D films I've ever seen. Depth of field, like in Avatar or Toy Story 3 are fine but come on, the REAL point of 3D is to have stuff flying at you, otherwise you don't notice it! This film definitely had that, brain, blood and bullets flying at you is damn good fun. There's a lot of slow-mo moments too which are okay but a little too over-used.

The characters were pretty much spot on. This film introduced Chris Redfield into the host of survivors and surprisingly, Wentworth Miller is spot on as Chris. He's got the voice and attitude perfect. The costume designer could have done a better job but no matter, because Wesker's costume was amazing. It was exactly the same suit he wears in Resi 5. Brilliant. Not to mention the introduction of the mind controlling chest clasps that Jill wears in the game.

From the end there's definitely going to be a sequel, Milla Jovovich said herself this film was so successful they would make another (as her husband directs it and all). Personally, I can't wait. It's going to be amazing from the teaser after a part of the credits...

Hard

For some reason, I feel this year is going to be hard. Not just work wise (which is something I am genuinely worrying about too) but emotionally. Things are going to hopefully change. If they do, it's going to be hard but if they don't that will be even harder for me. I am looking forward to the prospect of change but I also fearing it.

A few nights ago, when I went to bed, a strange feeling of fear and sudden insecurity for NO REASON. I actually cannot explain why I felt like that. I just did. I guess my lack of confidence in myself will probably never go away completely, I can only try and keep it at bay, locked up tight. I have no reason to feel like this at all. I'm so confused. It's hard to understand myself at the moment. I don't know what I want. I don't know what to do, except to keep it locked up and get on with things, it's my only option right now. Sigh :/

Although, at the pub the other night I realised something. As usual, I felt a bit insecure and un-superior to all the girls in the bathroom dressed up and looking amazing yet some how still complaining about their hair. But the second time I was in there I heard some girls talking about how they didn't want boyfriends because that was too much hassle. They were talking about their one night stands and I thought, how sad, no wonder women are treated like shit by some men, they bring it upon themselves, they only have themselves to blame. When I got back to the table with all my friends I told them about what I heard and Matt said something that actually made me feel a whole lot better. He said that "I don't want a boyfriend because it's too much hassle" actually translates to "I can't get a boyfriend because I'm a slag". It's harsh but very true. It made me realise that I shouldn't care if there are other better women out there, I have someone who truly loves me for who I am so why should I care what anybody else thinks? As long as I can keep thinking that to myself I know I'll be alright.

I like to PlayStation Move it

Well today was the release day of PlayStation move, something I was sceptical of at first until I saw it at E3. The 1:1 movement and arrange of exciting games coming out really impressed me. Luckily, my flat mate Matt was getting Move, otherwise I'd never have the chance to play it until Eurogamer and there's no way I'd be able to afford it either. At the moment we only have demos, Resi 5 and Heavy Rain to test our glowing ball wands out on. Heavy Rain is not patched until the 22nd I believe so we have to do without until then. Resi 5 with the move controllers was surprisingly good fun. Matt and I played some co-op with the controllers and it was brilliant, much better than expected as I had played Resi 4 before with the Wii controller and couldn't get on with it. Mainly because it wasn't precise enough for me which of course Move sorts out with it's 1:1 precision. It's pretty easy to get used to too, though this will be proven in the later, harder levels I suppose.

As for the demos we tried our favourite was Start the party. It's possibly one of the funnest party games I've played. There's a variety of mini games but the best one on the demo is where the Move controller turns into a paintbrush. If you wiggle the controller the tip of the paintbrush wobbles, great detail! Basically shapes appear onscreen and you must paint inside them to build an overall image at the end such as an alien that comes to life out of the shapes you've painted. It's a simple concept but so much fun. Best of all you only have to pass one controller around to play so you don't need to buy four. Sports Champions playing table tennis is also great, simply because the controller copies your smooth movements so well.

It's early days yet but I can't wait to see what else Move brings to the table.